on roots

I've been thinking a lot about roots lately. When I graduated from college and found myself back at my parent's house for a year I was determined not to put down roots. I didn't want to meet anyone new, I didn't want to form new relationships, because I was so sure I would leave very soon and start my own life. I visited the university often and talked with those people constantly to stay in touch. I still had roots there. But then I got a job at the church, a minor childcare job which turned into something I loved beyond words. I made friends with my co-workers and my boss. I fell in LOVE with my two year olds (who are now turning five). I set down roots against my will.
When I came to grad school, I didn't think I'd make friends (I don't quite remember why). I thought I would be rather alone and just sort of "lift out." But now, again, I am SO in LOVE with my Sunday School kids (this time pre-teens) and the children at the center where I work. Seeing them smile when they see me and come running to wave, high-five, or hug me just lights up my day. I love seeing them learn new things. My pre-teens are hilarious (one of them draws bunnies with jet packs at any chance he gets) and challenging and a joy to be around.
And then there are my friends. A friend of mine who went to college with me lives just 45 minutes away with her brand-new husband, and they have meant so much to me during this time. Another college friend just started grad school at the same university and we commiserate on occasion. This school is so different from our undergrads and it is refreshing to have a little of that back.
My point is, it's like I'm a plant that's been uprooted several times. When you pick up a plant, a lot of their tiny roots stay in place and are removed from the plant. The plant also carries a bit of soil from the place they were, well, planted. When you re-plant it, it goes through shock and then sets down roots until you decide to transplant it again. I've put down roots and left a piece of me there in every place I have lived and with every friend I have made, and I still have a little piece of them going around with me. I'm rooted in so many places right now, and so many people have a piece of me with them.
I guess that's all. Maybe someday I'll try to draw it.

baby in tow

Today I saw a dear friend from college. We talked about life and changes and babies and school and everything else.
Then she walked me to the car, baby in tow, and said "I just wanted to say, you have changed since college and it's good. I think you're more...grounded now."
I am. And I'm happier. And I'm more comfortable. And I believe people when they say they like me. And I may not know exactly where my life is going, but I like what I've seen so far.

hmm...

I find it interesting when people describe something as "verdant green," because all they're really saying is "greenish green." Good job.

gulp

I have comps. Next week. As in comprehensive exams. Next week. As in "fail and your two years in school mean nothing." Next week.

But, you know, no pressure or anything. Right?

when they exist.

Things I Love
Seeing people act silly in public for the benefit of their children
Let's be honest, there's nothing cuter than seeing a parent play along with their kid in public. Usually it's dads with their young kids. Most of the moms I see with their kids seem stressed and preoccupied. Discussing it with other people, the consensus is that moms feel more obligation and that the dads can leave any time they want. I don't think that is it though.
I think society has put pressure on us, as women, to be constantly poised, put together, and composed. However, guys are allowed to be goofy (men, if you read this, feel free to object to this theory). So it's totally great for men to make rocket ship noises and run around aisles pretending to be transformers or something, but women feel they don't get that chance or something?
I, for one, have absolutely NO problem acting silly, especially for the benefit of children (oftentimes children I don't even know). I am excited beyond belief about the day when my kids and I march proudly into the doors of Target or some other store and spend the entire time playing "puppies" and contributing to their dramatic play. All you proper, stiff, poised women out there, you can sit on it. My kids and I have playing to do. Or we will. When they exist.

feels like her

Things I Love

Seeing friends find their match

I know that sounds weird. I am definitely not of the school that there is only one person for each of us. I do believe that two people can be so well fit for each other that they seem like they should not exist apart from each other. I've seen it.
A few of my friends who are getting married soon are like that. It's amazing, reading their "how we met" stories, how fit they are for each other, how his story feels like her.
Do you ever meet people like that, where you say "those two, they are meant for each other"? Do you ever see people and think "these people make me believe"? Do you ever say to someone, "you two are going to get married. I just know it"?

Thank you.

Things I Love
Safety
What you're looking at right now is the car I learned to drive in. We got it brand new with about 16 miles on it in 2001. This car saved my brother's life today.
I'm not exactly sure what happened. He was so sure he had a green arrow, but regardless, he turned left when it wasn't quite clear to do so. When I got there, the suburban was smashed into the traffic light pole. The other car was a truck, so if he was driving the lumina (my mom's car) he would have been in much worse shape. He was on his way to work. I had told him I would take him, but Mom ended up letting him take the suburban for the day. He took a different route than he normally takes, even. All these different things in my head keep saying how odd this was. No matter what, though, I'm so thankful that he took that car instead of my mom's car, that everyone is fine, that we have car insurance, and that he is here with us. He has some really gross stuff from the airbag and bumping around in the car but for the most part he's okay, which is a blessing. The suburban is probably gone for good, but I'm so glad that the last thing it did was keep my brother safe.