I just read one of those random posts AOL decides is important enough for us to read and lures us there with misleading headlines. It was about how mothers tend to cyber-bully other mothers, telling them what they should and should not do and berating them for choices that seem in poor taste.
I scrolled down to the comments section (always a bad choice but a morbid curiousity) and the first comment mentioned how ironic this article was posted on this blog, as the women who comment on the blog are particularly mean and ugly.
Really, people, how hard is it to remember that these screen names have fingers attached to the keyboard, fingers leading to hands and arms and brains that have emotions that FEEL and HURT. Is it merely literary exercise to berate a faceless internet screen name? I see it time and time again, people posting character judgements, eviscerating remarks, and general unkindness about the most innoculous things and it hurts ME to read them. How can people be so petty, so perverse, so unthinking and inconsiderate as to take the time out of their lives to try to hurt another person? I truly do not understand how the argument that we have a certain freedom of speech entitles me to intentionally hurt a fellow human being, regardless of their choices or the nature of their character.
Is life not difficult enough without this added stress? Is it not full of enough disappointment that we must ridicule teenage girls until they feel the only escape is suicide? And what purpose does this serve?
The internet can be used for such higher purposes than spreading hatred and ridicule. It can be used for such better reasons than to hurt our fellow man.
This week, spread love online and offline. May your days be full of laughter, and may petty differences be left alone.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Oh, children...
Today at the after school program I basically run we were watching Enchanted. This is the movie M (age 7) and C (age 10) picked out from all my Disney and Muppet movies.
At one point, Giselle tells Robert that true love's kiss is the most powerful thing in the world. Then I heard this from the kids.
M: No it's not!
C: Yeah, it's monster trucks.
Good job, boys, good job.
At one point, Giselle tells Robert that true love's kiss is the most powerful thing in the world. Then I heard this from the kids.
M: No it's not!
C: Yeah, it's monster trucks.
Good job, boys, good job.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Would someone like to give me a reality check?
Hypothyroidism...I talked to my aunt today and she said it can take two months for the treatment to take effect. Assuming I get treatment the very day of my appointment (which will likely not happen), I will spend most of the semester feeling like this. I don't know if I can function at this level. I do NOT want to fall below full-time and lose my job, health insurance, and aid, but I also do not want to fail this semester! I have to say I am a bit frightened of the whole thing. I am taking demanding classes and I cannot afford to be like this every time we meet. And all the rest of the week.
I know that this seems small to many people but it's big to me and I wish that this had come about earlier, when I was in high school maybe, so I would be on top of the situation.
Anyway, if you are a praying person, please pray this is resolved quickly. I need to be able to do normal human things like walk uphill without having to stop and rest, be able to eat without forcing myself, stay awake and coherent in class, that sort of thing. I know it's a selfish prayer, but sometimes that's just how it is.
As usual with this late night post, things will probably look better in the morning. Still, please pray for me.
I know that this seems small to many people but it's big to me and I wish that this had come about earlier, when I was in high school maybe, so I would be on top of the situation.
Anyway, if you are a praying person, please pray this is resolved quickly. I need to be able to do normal human things like walk uphill without having to stop and rest, be able to eat without forcing myself, stay awake and coherent in class, that sort of thing. I know it's a selfish prayer, but sometimes that's just how it is.
As usual with this late night post, things will probably look better in the morning. Still, please pray for me.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
How far I've come
I went to dinner and a movie with one of my friends from grad school tonight. It was so funny seeing her reactions when she found out that I have ADHD and that for several years I was treated for my anxiety and depression. She said that I seem so attentive and calm.
I don't know that many people will know what a huge thing that is for me. I guess a few of the people who read this who grew up with me will remember my constant breakdowns, my extreme social anxiety, and times when I was so depressed that my mother was secretly calling my room mate for an assessment.
Five years ago I stopped taking my anxiety/depression meds to see if I could handle myself. I didn't tell anyone, but after a couple months I asked various people if I had seemed upset or antsy, if they had noticed a difference in my behavior in the past months. No one had. Later I stopped taking my ADHD medicine to the same effect. I was finally med-free (other than allergy and asthma, and I'm okay with keeping those).
Even then I had a long way to go.
When I look at myself in elementary and middle school, high school, and even college, I realize how far I've come. Yes, I am very stressed a lot because I'm in grad school, but I'm not constantly worrying that if I leave Penny alone for an hour the house will burn down and she will be killed because I put her in the kennel (a very real fear of mine at home). Yes, I'm a little socially awkward but I'm gaining confidence and I've made friends all by myself!
I cannot believe that four years ago (really even two years ago) I was so afraid of doing things on my own that I was convinced I couldn't. That I would not be successful without someone's help or presence. I cannot believe that three years ago I was worrying people so much that they constantly urged me to go talk to the counselor on campus. I cannot believe that I was so convinced that no one would like me when I came to grad school that I prepared myself to have no friends. Ever. I cannot believe that two years ago I was so convinced that I would never find love that I [briefly] joined eHarmony. That fourteen years ago I was visiting a therapist every week.
Right now, I am so very content. So very, very content. And it's funny, this is the first time I've desired to be in a relationship for the express reason that I want to share all this happiness with someone else. Like it's so big and full that I can't keep it all to myself. Like I'm carrying a humongous bunch of balloons and need help holding it all.
Still, though, I am so fine with where I am right now. Ecstatic, actually.
I don't know that many people will know what a huge thing that is for me. I guess a few of the people who read this who grew up with me will remember my constant breakdowns, my extreme social anxiety, and times when I was so depressed that my mother was secretly calling my room mate for an assessment.
Five years ago I stopped taking my anxiety/depression meds to see if I could handle myself. I didn't tell anyone, but after a couple months I asked various people if I had seemed upset or antsy, if they had noticed a difference in my behavior in the past months. No one had. Later I stopped taking my ADHD medicine to the same effect. I was finally med-free (other than allergy and asthma, and I'm okay with keeping those).
Even then I had a long way to go.
When I look at myself in elementary and middle school, high school, and even college, I realize how far I've come. Yes, I am very stressed a lot because I'm in grad school, but I'm not constantly worrying that if I leave Penny alone for an hour the house will burn down and she will be killed because I put her in the kennel (a very real fear of mine at home). Yes, I'm a little socially awkward but I'm gaining confidence and I've made friends all by myself!
I cannot believe that four years ago (really even two years ago) I was so afraid of doing things on my own that I was convinced I couldn't. That I would not be successful without someone's help or presence. I cannot believe that three years ago I was worrying people so much that they constantly urged me to go talk to the counselor on campus. I cannot believe that I was so convinced that no one would like me when I came to grad school that I prepared myself to have no friends. Ever. I cannot believe that two years ago I was so convinced that I would never find love that I [briefly] joined eHarmony. That fourteen years ago I was visiting a therapist every week.
Right now, I am so very content. So very, very content. And it's funny, this is the first time I've desired to be in a relationship for the express reason that I want to share all this happiness with someone else. Like it's so big and full that I can't keep it all to myself. Like I'm carrying a humongous bunch of balloons and need help holding it all.
Still, though, I am so fine with where I am right now. Ecstatic, actually.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Just good
Crazy dancing to Ingrid Michaelson in an empty house.
Penny confused and a little scared at my crazy dancing.
Baby smiles.
Pizza with pineapple.
Listening to the guys at the pizza place. I think they are all best friends.
Knowing that this week is doppelganger week and I don't look like a celebrity, I look like myself (though I do have a few "twins" running around there somewhere).
Penny bringing me shoes, a sweater, her brushes, and my vinegar spray bottle.
Penny sleeping under my bed.
Finding out because I see her tail sticking out from under the comforter.
Flux Capacitor and 1.21 Gigawatts.
Feeling love from no one in particular.
Cornstarch gak.
Getting a ride to my car.
Reading about all the programs people have chosen for our class this semester and knowing how perfect each one is for the person who chose it.
Good. Just Good.
Penny confused and a little scared at my crazy dancing.
Baby smiles.
Pizza with pineapple.
Listening to the guys at the pizza place. I think they are all best friends.
Knowing that this week is doppelganger week and I don't look like a celebrity, I look like myself (though I do have a few "twins" running around there somewhere).
Penny bringing me shoes, a sweater, her brushes, and my vinegar spray bottle.
Penny sleeping under my bed.
Finding out because I see her tail sticking out from under the comforter.
Flux Capacitor and 1.21 Gigawatts.
Feeling love from no one in particular.
Cornstarch gak.
Getting a ride to my car.
Reading about all the programs people have chosen for our class this semester and knowing how perfect each one is for the person who chose it.
Good. Just Good.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
New leash (actual new leash)
Penny demonstrated to me on Sunday that her current leash might as well be lined with razors and cut up my hands pulling me around the park. After searching the web, I have decided on an aspen pet mountain leash from Petco, and it should be arriving shortly. I could have bought one of Cesar Millan's but the rubber tubing on the handle is not my style. And I'm not a huge Cesar fan. Did you know he actually went through all the products in his line in petco and entered a customer review? Bad taste, bad taste. In addition, his leash was four feet long while the one I purchased was six feet (I like a long leash) and his rope leash was 5/16" wide and the one I bought was 1/2" wide. No contest, though I must admit the "stylish" colors the aspen pet leashes come in are far from that. I got the red and grey one because I don't like pink accessories and the blue one looked silly. Black was out of the question anyway because Penny's collar is brown.
So, as I said, on Sunday Penny and I went to the park. We were joined by Carriehammie and Miss Willow, along with our friend Catia, who has no blog (booo, hiss!). Penny pretty much ruled the whole time, as her leash hurt me to hold her back and she was too excited to heed any commands for long. I should have taken her for an exercise walk before hand. Bad me. We discovered that she does indeed love water when she tried to jump into a pond with me in tow. Much entertainment there and a wet dog to boot. I also discovered that hiking with a dog who pulls is rather adventuresome, especially when that includes climbing up or down something. No worries, we are working on the pulling and hopefully next time she will be a model dog. heh... We also participated in some berry wars, which involved picking many berries which were the consistency of pebbles and throwing them at each other (though I prefer espionage and would sneak them down unsuspecting shirts. It was glorious). Those berries STING though when they hit your face!
Afterwards, Carriehammie had to go and Miss Willow and I did not want to, so we all went to Catia's house and had tea and cheese in the courtyard. This was pleasant until it got too chilly to enjoy anything. Penny did NOT like being in the courtyard and proceeded to try to find a way of escape, though she was not successful.
After a very exciting day, Penny and I returned to my parents' house so I could work on homework. Then Penny threw up the entire contents of her stomach in my room. Loverly. She hasn't done it since so I think she was just overstimulated (or overfed...oops!).
So, as I said, on Sunday Penny and I went to the park. We were joined by Carriehammie and Miss Willow, along with our friend Catia, who has no blog (booo, hiss!). Penny pretty much ruled the whole time, as her leash hurt me to hold her back and she was too excited to heed any commands for long. I should have taken her for an exercise walk before hand. Bad me. We discovered that she does indeed love water when she tried to jump into a pond with me in tow. Much entertainment there and a wet dog to boot. I also discovered that hiking with a dog who pulls is rather adventuresome, especially when that includes climbing up or down something. No worries, we are working on the pulling and hopefully next time she will be a model dog. heh... We also participated in some berry wars, which involved picking many berries which were the consistency of pebbles and throwing them at each other (though I prefer espionage and would sneak them down unsuspecting shirts. It was glorious). Those berries STING though when they hit your face!
Afterwards, Carriehammie had to go and Miss Willow and I did not want to, so we all went to Catia's house and had tea and cheese in the courtyard. This was pleasant until it got too chilly to enjoy anything. Penny did NOT like being in the courtyard and proceeded to try to find a way of escape, though she was not successful.
After a very exciting day, Penny and I returned to my parents' house so I could work on homework. Then Penny threw up the entire contents of her stomach in my room. Loverly. She hasn't done it since so I think she was just overstimulated (or overfed...oops!).
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Bye, Conan...
Staying up late tonight I happened to watch Conan O'Brien's last episode of The Tonight Show. I didn't really watch the show when he hosted simply because of...well, life getting in the way. I have to say, though, that I think he is one of the classiest guys on television. Can't really stand Leno, Letterman is a bitter old man, and Fallon, well, his funniest moments on TV ended with his constant breaks on SNL (which incidentally has fallen way down the tubes).
I don't want to say anything about the whole situation because I really don't know enough about it to warrant an argument (though really, with a golden boy like Conan you would think NBC would be spit-shining his shoes and bending over to be his ottoman in order to keep him), but I do want to comment on his closing remarks before a rousing number that included some very well-known people in the music and television industry. After thanking the audience for camping out in the rain to support him and thanking his fans for making a sad situation joyous and inspiring, he looked right into the camera and said this:
"I'm asking this particularly of young people who watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record it is my least favorite quality, it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm... telling you, amazing things will happen."
Lesson learned. Looking forward to seeing your next steps, Mr. O'Brien!
I don't want to say anything about the whole situation because I really don't know enough about it to warrant an argument (though really, with a golden boy like Conan you would think NBC would be spit-shining his shoes and bending over to be his ottoman in order to keep him), but I do want to comment on his closing remarks before a rousing number that included some very well-known people in the music and television industry. After thanking the audience for camping out in the rain to support him and thanking his fans for making a sad situation joyous and inspiring, he looked right into the camera and said this:
"I'm asking this particularly of young people who watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record it is my least favorite quality, it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm... telling you, amazing things will happen."
Lesson learned. Looking forward to seeing your next steps, Mr. O'Brien!
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