Resolutions

Resolved:
In 2011, I will
Read more. For school and for fun. I got a few Dickens novels and some poetry with my Christmas gift card, I'm still working on Don Quixote and want to add more of Jane Austen to my repertoire.

Write more. Some of you may know that I've been writing a book for several years. It is nowhere near finished, and it is not in any form that I would show someone I didn't know yet (rewrites ahoy!), and so I want to go further with it. Maybe not finish it, just work on it more. Also, I want to really dive into my last semester of schooling (!) and write what I need to write well. Perhaps I will even try for extra opportunities!

Be more active. I am going to try to go to the rock climbing gym in town once a week. I might also do a pay-per-class for dance and I'm hoping to walk Penny more often. I have NO energy at all and on the few times I am active I tire so quickly it's embarrassing.

Be more creative. I have a new book called Drawing Lab for Mixed-Media Artists by Carla Sonheim which has 52 exercises for boosting creativity. I was looking for something less along the lines of a "how to draw" book and more like a creativity guide. This fits the bill! I'm not going to force myself to use it on a weekly basis, but I will try! This also will force me to face a few fears, as one section asks that I go to a live drawing class for a few sessions (with nude models! EEP!) which I will do, because I am extra-bad at drawing people and this will help me to figure out the form (I really want to figure out how to draw backs, I think the upper part of the back is so very beautiful!). I may or may not blog some of the assignments, so look for some original Kate art coming to a screen near you! The first section is "inspired by animals" which I am much more comfortable drawing, so you will definitely see some of them!
I also got Squiggles: A REALLY GIANT Drawing and Painting Book by Taro Gomi. It has hundreds of pages to fill in! I want to get everyone to fill in one page. Perhaps I'll share scans of that.

Be more daring. And no, that doesn't mean going bungee jumping or skydiving (pointed cyber-glances at Carrita and Catia). It means not being afraid of things like asking people if they want to hang out, going somewhere and trying something new. I guess it fits in nicely with my other resolutions.

Graduate. That's right, this May I am planning to graduate! To do that I need to pass the Program Administration and Child Development content areas of my Comprehensive Exams. I passed the Theories section last semester and got conditional passes for Research&Evaluation and for Child Development, but the flu prevented me from re-writing both. Basically, this means studying (and we all know how good I am at THAT!). Beyond that, I am only taking TWO classes this semester and one of them is a practicum. I am super excited about this.

Get a job in my field. Wow. So, starting in January I'm updating my resume and sending it out to various organizations. I'm thinking something with United Way sounds good, but I'm exploring every option. My main trouble is getting the courage to put myself out there, so again this falls in line with being more daring. If any of you have connections to nonprofit orgs. that do family education and outreach, let me know! I am not going to limit myself geographically (which is SCARY! where will I be this time next year???), so even my Canadian and European friends can suggest something. Exactly HOW cold does it get there?

Get my own place. I am almost more excited about my first apartment/town home/rent house than I am about my first real job. And no, I'm not considering anywhere I've lived these past two years as my first apartments because I'm still in school and they aren't MINE (meaning I don't get to decorate outside of my bedroom). My main goal for graduation: NOT to move back home!


Help people more. Simple.

I think these are a bit easier to follow than really specific resolutions, so I'm hoping I will stick with them! We'll see. I hope 2011 is a good year for all of us, no matter where we are and what we may be doing.

Billy Collins is my new favorite.

Another addiction

I've just discovered a spectacular radio station. It is introducing me to all sorts of beautiful music and it's local (which means that I get it in my practicum but I don't get it at school. Ah well). If I don't get a job in this city, I will miss this radio station like none other. Thank goodness they have an iphone app!

yaaay, apps!

I love my iPhone. Specifically, I love the creativity I can express through the applications. My new favorite application is LiveSketch, and here are two of the drawings I did by fingertip with them. I think this is a moose. And these, of course, are some flowers.
It's like I'm drawing with charcoal, only I don't have to take off a layer of skin to get it out of my hands.
I really really miss drawing and sculpting and especially metalworking. I'm hoping I have time and space for that post-grad school.

Feeling poorly, so I will say goodnight. I have to finish my practicum hours tomorrow and then this semester is officially in the bag.

Go. Become addicted.

I have recently discovered this:The Book Spy
And I LOVE it. Bibliophilism meets Voyeurism (In an only slightly creepy way). It's amazing. Go, my chickadees, go and be addicted.
In addition, I'm ALMOST done with the first lace shawl I will keep for myself (out of baby alpaca wool that I dyed myself!). This sounds selfish, but first consider these:
1) the last two things I knitted were lace shawls I made as gifts.
2) those took my whole summer and the first part of the semester (not that I didn't enjoy it, because I did!)
3) My last knitting projects before those were all baby things for one of my friends
4) I'm facing an extreme lack of warm & pretty!


Also:

Fall in love!

Furthermore, my beloved brother is coming this week to stay with me for a whole week! Hooray! This is the FIRST time he has come on his own to see me ever. He came once for pageant when I was in college and visited for my birthday this year. I don't think it will be the two of us on the town or anything, but it will be good to see him! He's taking the train down here and then he will ride home with me when I go HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS! Yes, that's right, friends, I am going to go home! I have not been home since labor day, and I get to be with my family and friends back home for two whole weeks! I'm almost surprised how very much I miss home (not because I never miss people, because I do, but I'm usually pretty good at being "all there" and focusing on where I am). I'm also looking forward to not having to WORK for two weeks. That will be very nice.

To those of you who will be in town, I can't wait to see you! To those of you in the grad-school area, I will see you when I get back! I don't think you read this, though!

RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Ever turn in a final paper that was so stressful it feels like you just had a baby? I don't know how else to describe that.
This final I just turned in is one of those papers. It was for my grant writing class and it was all of two pages long because it was a grant proposal. We have no idea what our class standing is, and up until class time last Wednesday we did not know what our final was. A lesson in flexibility? Yes. A lesson in how many times I can hyperventilate without causing brain damage? A little bit, yeah. A lesson in Kate's hyperbolic skills? A little bit, yeah.
I freaked out for about ten minutes when he gave us the prompt: propose a program, project, or initiative which will benefit the graduate students in your particular field. Then I figured out what I wanted to do: a mini-research conference which teams professors with students who present posters. Members of the community who are professionals in our field will judge the event (science fair style) and award the winning group with a scholarship ($2,500 for the next semester, which is all but $500 of a semester's tuition). Hooray! Encourage research? Check. Encourage student-faculty relations? Check. Encourage inter-cohort relations? Check. Encourage community involvement? Check. Encourage networking and future employment? Check. Awesome.
I got to the computer and totally lost confidence in the program. All these new issues popped up. All these insecurities about how the program would look if it needed a mini-research conference to get people involved (it does). About how silly the whole thing was. But I stuck with it because it was too late. I had no other ideas. And I really had been psyched about it until I sat down to write the proposal.
So now, yes, I feel like I just went through labor. For that tiny tiny thing. I hope I don't fail, I hope I get an A in the class, but there is really no way of telling because we don't know any of our grades. ANY of them. This is the problem with laid-back professors. They drive their students insane.

To everyone else completing your finals, remember there is an end in sight! So soon! We can do it!
I'm still not sure I did the right thing, but everything he said needed to be there was there.

*Charlie Brown Sigh*

So, last October, I really hated the newsletter my workplace put out. It was disgusting. It was disorganized. It was twelve pages long. We had to print out copies for all the parents and teachers of the center. Something had to be done.
(Hi, I'm back)
So, on a day where I didn't have a lot going on, I took my copy of the newsletter and plugged it into a publisher template. I got it down to three pages front and back. It sounded like someone who speaks English wrote it. It was beautiful.
Showed it to my boss.
"This part needs to be changed. But you're right, it does make it more readable."
That was it until yesterday.
"Kate, here are the submissions for the newsletter. You did such a good job with making it more concise last time I thought you could do the same thing."
Sure.
Typed everything up. Shortened it so it would all fit on three pages. Perfect. Showed it to someone who suggested I make the font size smaller, cut out all this old information, take one reminder all the teachers put in their sections out and just put a big reminder on the front. Done and done. Excellent.
Showed it to my boss:
"Font size is too small. I don't think I want that on the front. Don't cut anything the teachers say because the others don't write anything."
Frustrated. Changed it back. One class takes up almost a whole page of three columns telling us what they did in each and every center. I even leave in their stupid poem. Surely the teacher who got bumped to the back page won't be mad. Filled the empty space with a very VERY generic "happy holidays" message. Done. Printed off 103 copies. Put them in every single mailbox in the center. Hooray. It's OVER.
About to get in the elevator and go down to my office to leave finally after a long week. Run into a teacher who looks upset. Asks if one of the admin is here. No. Why? She's holding the newsletter. My beautiful newsletter. She starts crying. She is offended because her employers spelled her name with an "ie" instead of a "y" and that means that they still don't respect her after all these years.
Apologize to her repeatedly. My fault. Didn't mean to. It wasn't my boss at all.
Took all the newsletters out of her classroom, changed the ONE place where her name was, reprinted it and redistributed.
Have I ever mentioned that I go by my middle name and many people I have known for YEARS call me by my first name on accident all the time? And it really doesn't bother me now because I'm an adult? but no, We have to get upset about everything all the time because "ie" really is so very very different from "y"
*Charlie Brown sigh*

Apologies

I think it's best to be honest with you:
I have so much reading to do, so many other things vying for my time, and so many things I would rather do right now than write a blog entry. I know. That hurts. I mean, I was out sick with the flu (in spite of flu shot!) this past week and all I could do really was sit with the computer in front of me, but I decided NOT to blog. Crazy.
Anyway, it's the height of the semester, I have about 70 pages to read about parents coping with the death of a child (seriously considering skipping this one!), I am congested and sleepy, and I just wanted to say, this site closed until American Thanksgiving. See you in three weeks. Maybe.

on roots

I've been thinking a lot about roots lately. When I graduated from college and found myself back at my parent's house for a year I was determined not to put down roots. I didn't want to meet anyone new, I didn't want to form new relationships, because I was so sure I would leave very soon and start my own life. I visited the university often and talked with those people constantly to stay in touch. I still had roots there. But then I got a job at the church, a minor childcare job which turned into something I loved beyond words. I made friends with my co-workers and my boss. I fell in LOVE with my two year olds (who are now turning five). I set down roots against my will.
When I came to grad school, I didn't think I'd make friends (I don't quite remember why). I thought I would be rather alone and just sort of "lift out." But now, again, I am SO in LOVE with my Sunday School kids (this time pre-teens) and the children at the center where I work. Seeing them smile when they see me and come running to wave, high-five, or hug me just lights up my day. I love seeing them learn new things. My pre-teens are hilarious (one of them draws bunnies with jet packs at any chance he gets) and challenging and a joy to be around.
And then there are my friends. A friend of mine who went to college with me lives just 45 minutes away with her brand-new husband, and they have meant so much to me during this time. Another college friend just started grad school at the same university and we commiserate on occasion. This school is so different from our undergrads and it is refreshing to have a little of that back.
My point is, it's like I'm a plant that's been uprooted several times. When you pick up a plant, a lot of their tiny roots stay in place and are removed from the plant. The plant also carries a bit of soil from the place they were, well, planted. When you re-plant it, it goes through shock and then sets down roots until you decide to transplant it again. I've put down roots and left a piece of me there in every place I have lived and with every friend I have made, and I still have a little piece of them going around with me. I'm rooted in so many places right now, and so many people have a piece of me with them.
I guess that's all. Maybe someday I'll try to draw it.

baby in tow

Today I saw a dear friend from college. We talked about life and changes and babies and school and everything else.
Then she walked me to the car, baby in tow, and said "I just wanted to say, you have changed since college and it's good. I think you're more...grounded now."
I am. And I'm happier. And I'm more comfortable. And I believe people when they say they like me. And I may not know exactly where my life is going, but I like what I've seen so far.

hmm...

I find it interesting when people describe something as "verdant green," because all they're really saying is "greenish green." Good job.

gulp

I have comps. Next week. As in comprehensive exams. Next week. As in "fail and your two years in school mean nothing." Next week.

But, you know, no pressure or anything. Right?

when they exist.

Things I Love
Seeing people act silly in public for the benefit of their children
Let's be honest, there's nothing cuter than seeing a parent play along with their kid in public. Usually it's dads with their young kids. Most of the moms I see with their kids seem stressed and preoccupied. Discussing it with other people, the consensus is that moms feel more obligation and that the dads can leave any time they want. I don't think that is it though.
I think society has put pressure on us, as women, to be constantly poised, put together, and composed. However, guys are allowed to be goofy (men, if you read this, feel free to object to this theory). So it's totally great for men to make rocket ship noises and run around aisles pretending to be transformers or something, but women feel they don't get that chance or something?
I, for one, have absolutely NO problem acting silly, especially for the benefit of children (oftentimes children I don't even know). I am excited beyond belief about the day when my kids and I march proudly into the doors of Target or some other store and spend the entire time playing "puppies" and contributing to their dramatic play. All you proper, stiff, poised women out there, you can sit on it. My kids and I have playing to do. Or we will. When they exist.

feels like her

Things I Love

Seeing friends find their match

I know that sounds weird. I am definitely not of the school that there is only one person for each of us. I do believe that two people can be so well fit for each other that they seem like they should not exist apart from each other. I've seen it.
A few of my friends who are getting married soon are like that. It's amazing, reading their "how we met" stories, how fit they are for each other, how his story feels like her.
Do you ever meet people like that, where you say "those two, they are meant for each other"? Do you ever see people and think "these people make me believe"? Do you ever say to someone, "you two are going to get married. I just know it"?

Thank you.

Things I Love
Safety
What you're looking at right now is the car I learned to drive in. We got it brand new with about 16 miles on it in 2001. This car saved my brother's life today.
I'm not exactly sure what happened. He was so sure he had a green arrow, but regardless, he turned left when it wasn't quite clear to do so. When I got there, the suburban was smashed into the traffic light pole. The other car was a truck, so if he was driving the lumina (my mom's car) he would have been in much worse shape. He was on his way to work. I had told him I would take him, but Mom ended up letting him take the suburban for the day. He took a different route than he normally takes, even. All these different things in my head keep saying how odd this was. No matter what, though, I'm so thankful that he took that car instead of my mom's car, that everyone is fine, that we have car insurance, and that he is here with us. He has some really gross stuff from the airbag and bumping around in the car but for the most part he's okay, which is a blessing. The suburban is probably gone for good, but I'm so glad that the last thing it did was keep my brother safe.

I think I've filled my quota for today...

Things I love
moments that keep me humble...and laughing
So, today at the center life was crazy. I ended up subbing in the baby room until the student worker came in (our schedule had her coming in at noon, then we thought she was supposed to be in at one, and she thought she was supposed to come in at two). We are super understaffed right now and it's not helping when people come in, spend one day in a room, and we never hear from them again, but I digress.
Because my job isn't supposed to place me in rooms, I stopped taking some precautions I definitely took in the summer, such as making sure my clothes were layered and secure and okay to get dirty.
So today I was just wearing a loose v-neck t-shirt, a cardigan, and jeans.
Do you see where I'm going with this? Probably, but I don't think you've thought far enough yet.
The student worker finally came in and I was introducing her to the babies. I sat down facing her and one of the babies crawled up to me and grabbed the neckline of my shirt and pulled, CATCHING MY BRA ON THE WAY DOWN. Yeah. After that I pried her hand off my clothes, set my clothing to rights, and said "well, that was my breast. I think I've filled my quota for today. And now I'm off to the front desk!"
I'm just glad the two male student workers were upstairs.

I've always been partial to it...

Things I love
What happened Thursday
Thursday I was doing some observation in the lunchroom at work. One of the new little girls turned and waved at me.
Girl: "That's the girl I like!"
Teacher: "That's Miss Kate."
Another boy at the table looked up
Boy: "I like Miss Kate!"
Girl: "That's a pretty name!"
Teacher: "Yes, it is a pretty name, isn't it?"
Then the whole table erupted in a chorus of "I like Miss Kate" "She comes and watches us sometimes" and "She's nice"
Awesome.

that's altogether too much hygiene for me

Things I Love
Cooking

Oh. My. Goodness. I can't believe it took until now for me to realize I love to cook. And not just regular "let's find a recipe and follow it to the letter" cooking, either. I LOVE to cook with whatever I have on hand and make something that sounds good to me. In fact, I have chosen to share my two favorites so far:
Chicken Stir Fry (serves one)
One section of a package of King Soba Sweet Potato Buckwheat noodles
One boneless skinless chicken breast cut into chunks
grapeseed oil
coconut oil
Worcestershire sauce
any frozen or fresh veg you have on hand.

prepare the noodles. Combine grapeseed and coconut oils in a skillet and cook the chicken. Add the veggies and noodles and cook it together. Splash on the Worcestershire sauce enough to cover the mixture

I have not gotten the oil proportions right yet and have ended up with some oily noodles, but for the most part this is pretty good. However, this next one blows the other out of the water!

Really awesome artichoke chicken
1 jar artichoke hearts
1 chicken breast cut into chunks
Green beans
1 half of a medium lime
2 tbsp butter
Worcestershire Sauce
Cookwell & Company Olive and Lemon Vinaigrette

Combine butter, lime, worchestershire sauce, and salad dressing in a skillet and simmer together. Then cook the chicken breast until it is done. Add the artichoke hearts and green beans and simmer it for about 10 minutes. Serve hot!

Again, I have absolutely no idea on proportions. I would do enough vinaigrette to coat the chicken and chokes and enough Worcestershire sauce to brown the chicken, and I think this would be extra great with some linguini and and some sort of cream base for the sauce, though the butter base is good! This had a sweet aftertaste which I think had something to do with the vinaigrette or the artichoke juice.

No pictures this post. I really really hate taking in-progress shots because 1) I have to stop in the middle and wash my hands and then take the picture and then wash my hands again and that's altogether too much hygiene for me; 2) my dear dear camera, Sylvia, might get food on her; and 3) Penny might take the opportunity to help herself to my noms!

Today I roasted bell peppers and then packed them into a jar with some garlic salt, Italian seasonings, and olive oil and then put it in the fridge. This will keep for a week or so, and since I am in LOVE with red bell peppers this won't be an issue. They were on sale today so I bought four to roast and four to freeze for later. I try not to buy them over $1/pc and they've been almost two dollars/pc for a few months! I was in pepper withdrawal. The grocery also was celebrating the new hatch peppers with a sale but I didn't bite. I might try it later though!

Got any delicious recipes of your very own design? Have improvements or suggestions for these recipes? Try them and let me know what you think!

And perhaps even a flower stand!

Things I Love

My Mail Wall

When I get personal mail or invitations or just something really pretty that I like, I post it on my mail wall. I think it's a nice little collage of all sorts of wonderful things. Most of them are from the one, the only, Carrita, which is totally fine by me. I'm a bit sentimental. I even sometimes keep thank-you notes. Penny's diploma is up there too (and soon will be joined by another!). Soooo....if you want to make my wall, send me some mail! If I don't know you in person, sorry, you don't get to join, unless you want to make me something, scan it, and email it to me. MAYBE it'll make the wall.

My Tiny, Tiny Desk


I found this guy when I was looking for a wardrobe or dresser. This desk is my size! It's been redone, restained, had more patch-jobs and repairs than I can even count. When I bought it, it had a whole bunch of water damage and deterioration, which is gone, but I'm waiting for my uncle to help me finish the rest as I currently lack the proper power tools. When it's finished, I'll be able to completely use it as an actual desk. I also need to find the perfect chair for it as my current one is too wide to fit it.
Yes, it looks cluttered. This will change when the drawers have bottoms.

Farmers' Markets

I've gone to my local farmer's market for the past two weeks to get my bread and honey. These people sell organic, local, in-season veg, local raw organic honey (strange the way honey is treated, filtered, etc., as it's a natural antiseptic), grass-fed beef and even bison! I got a loaf of sourdough for my sandwiches and might get some bison jerky next week. We'll see. When I move to a larger city, I'm excited about the variety of the stalls and perhaps even a flower stall!

Things I Don't Love
Being Accident ProneLast week I walked barefoot out to the driveway and stepped on some glass. I thought, "ow, but no big deal, I'll just get it out" however, I couldn't. I soaked it for ages in a hot hot hot tub, but the next morning I could barely walk on it. So I called my doctor, who said I had to go to a surgeon, who was booked and suggested I go to a podiatrist. They fit me in between appointments and were the very nicest people I have ever dealt with. As I was getting ready to leave, the lady at the front desk asked if I'd gotten a pen and a magnet and a card, because she was SO excited about giving them out, and then she was almost crestfallen when she realized they were out of magnets. Among the diplomas and certificates this doctor had displayed on his wall was an award from his medical association for "Nicest Doctor". I was SUCH a baby when he numbed up my foot. He had to lean my chair all the way back so I didn't faint, I started getting nauseous, and I cried a lot. All the while I apologized for being such a baby!He got two pieces of glass out from the ball of my foot just below my little toes and told me not to get it wet for a few days (which I managed until I went glass bottomed kayaking with my dad that Saturday).

Saying Goodbye

My dear friend Miss Willow is moving several states away tomorrow. I got a great short visit from her a couple weeks ago and we had a grand time. Grandest of grand. She is such an awesome lady, so encouraging, and I know that she is going to do wonderfully in the frozen tundra, but I am going to miss her. Even though she wasn't close enough to see very often, I had the security of knowing that when I went home to see my family I could possibly see her. I love you, Heath! And I am absolutely certain that the frozen tundra will be a little warmer having you in it!

Your eyes will be delighted

Things I Love

Hexagons

For some strange reason, my favorite number has always been six. Maybe it's because my birthday is on the 26th, maybe it's because I just like the number, but I think the three sets of twos that make it up are just lovely, and the two sets of three are rather dashing as well. I like the number six. Pair that with an unnatural love for honey and then a documentary I saw about bees in the fifth grade that stated the honeycomb is the most efficient shape in nature, and I'm hooked on hexagons. I don't understand it. Octagons, fare the well. Squares, you know what you are: square. Hexagons are where it's at. Forever and ever, amen. I love circles, too, of course, but right now I really love hexagons.

Druzy Druzy is formed when water forces itself inside an already formed crystal, creating a cavity and then a new crystal on top of that cavity. The result is intense sparkle and color and strangeness. I am so amazed by the pictures I see. Jewelry made with druse or druzy or however you choose to spell it is creative and interesting when done well, when the entire point is celebration of the stone itself. This one is from Free People and it's just beautiful! Search flickr and etsy for them, your eyes will be delighted.


Getting to know a knitting pattern

I've been knitting for seven years (wow! Seven years!) and one of the great parts of knitting a project is learning the pattern so well that it makes sense to you. Each time I look at it and say "ah, this requires a ssk, not a k2tog" and with the sage wisdom of something akin to a knitting Yoda, I proceed to ssk my heart out (followed by a yo). Granted, there are times when my confidence causes me to stumble, and I have several, several mistakes in this current project, but I still like knowing the basic movement of the pattern.

Things I Don't Love

Chores

It seems I've just finished doing laundry when all of a sudden all my clothes are dirty again. I've just cleaned and now there's a mess. I JUST bought groceries but suddenly my clothing is all gone. How is it that these things constantly have to be done? Please!

Honestly, I can't think of anything else right now.

Sweet and Sagey

Things I love

This Lady

Bynney and I have been pals since about 2007. We were RAs together and lived across the hall from each other for a semester. I lived above her when we were RAs. She got married today and was absolutely stunning, as usual.

The Dutchman's Hidden Valley

This is a store on highway 281 in Hamilton, Texas. We used to stop at it on road trips, and it's just a fun place with good food and candy and gifts. It's practically in the middle of nowhere, too, so it's a welcome stop.

I got a peppered beef sandwich on rye.

Highway 281/Texas roadways in general

I LOVE this drive. Everything was green and the air smelled sweet and sagey. I definitely took a lot of pictures like this, many through my bug-smeared windshield.

Stopped at this roadstop to finish my sandwich and enjoy the green.

Sweet Charity

Watched this on Netflix, and I fell in love with it. I love the character of Charity Hope Valentine, and I love the ending. Dancing's not bad either. ;) I loves me some Fosse, Vereen, and Rivera!

I think a lot of the songs are rather ingenious, too...


Things I Don't Love
The Pajama Game
I watched this on Netflix just before Sweet Charity and decided to watch Sweet Charity just to redeem the night. I don't like Doris Day very much, felt that even for a musical the plot was very ill-formed, and that the performances lacked...well...performance.
Watch the movie version:


and the stage version in the tribute musical Fosse:


Maybe Meg Gillentine (from the second video) just has more sparkle. The love story also was pretty forced...bad acting all around. Sad.

Driving all the way home from Stephenville and realizing I left my shampoo, conditioner, and razor at the hotel.
*Headdesk*
Store tomorrow.

we're peek-a-boo buds

Things I Love
Erickson
That's right, I love a developmental theorist. I love the wonder and beauty he gave to childhood. I love that he extended development throughout the lifespan, that someone finally decided that life doesn't stop changing at the end of adolescence! I love that he started out as an artist. I think that's why his theories are so beautiful, and why the sciencey people in psychology and development get so frustrated with him.

Piaget
That's right, I love TWO developmental theorists! Piaget cared SO MUCH about education, and not about how we're concerned now, about keeping the children up to pace, but about developing children who love to learn who are curious!


Seriously. I want that on a poster in every office I work in and in my room and in my car and written in the sky. If we focus only on gaining the knowledge that everyone already has on a strict schedule, where are we going to improve and develop as a society? Piaget is a guy whose descendants I would marry just so I could tell my children that they are related to a great great man. Is that weird to say? I think it might be.



Alpaca yarn


I'm knitting a project right now using it. It might be the first time I haven't gotten a bit of a string burn on my fingers. It's that soft. I'd post pictures, but it's a surpriiiiiiiise!





These Ladies

I've been friends with these ladies for 8-19 years respectively (Carrita! Next year marks year 20 of our friendship! We should celebrate!). They are truly my dearest friends. They are the people I want to see, the people I want to be around, and the people I want to tell about my life. We are each going into completely disparate careers that are totally fitting to each of us. Ladies, I know that you all read this blog, so know that I think of you all the time and I miss you like CRAZY.
Look how beautiful they all are! I love my ladies!

My Job
Oh man, I know I complain about this a lot. And it can get SO overwhelming at times knowing I have no way to control the activity in a room. But today I was helping out in the baby room and this little boy I've been bonding with (we're peek-a-boo buds) came up to me smiling and touched his forehead to mine and said 'boo.'
I love to see how they grow and develop and learn, especially right at the preverbal stage. They want so badly to communicate that they'll do anything, motions, crying, articulate gibberish, all so they're understood. I love helping them stretch and grow. One girl in the room needs to sit next to people (it's a step down from sitting in laps, which we've only just gotten her away from) and then points at what she wants. Today whenever she pointed I said "Go get it!" And she got upset. She wanted me to go get it. However, I know she's a crawler, I know she can walk a few steps even, so I said "go get it" and she went and got it each time. I even saw her take one step before she got scared and sat down to crawl.
In the fall, my position will give me all sorts of new responsibility and new challenges and new opportunities. I'm so excited about the opportunity to learn and contribute. This semester is going to be CRAZY but I think it's going to be good. And then I'll have only one or two classes left to finish my degree. Which is insane. This time next year I'll have a master's degree and HOPEFULLY working in a job I love.

Things I don't love
scratch that -- THINGS I HATE
Uneducated people who develop "therapies" without any research background and ultimately harm the helpless -- their patients

I am not sure how widespread the use of this "therapy" is. With my limited knowledge of attachment and of child development, I can say that this is detrimental to the future health of the child. Attachment theory states that a child is securely attached when a caregiver is responsive and sensitive. The child knows that their person is there for them, so the child feels free to go out and explore their world and eventually leave. Being forceful and authoritarian and physically aggressive is NOT the way to instill a "this person is safe, I can trust them" attitude in the child.

It has also led to the death of at least one child that I can confirm.

There is a website for the survivors of this "therapy" which to my knowledge is loosely compiled of bits and pieces of Bowlby's attachment theory and not on any scientific data. Here is where empirical evidence is crucial. In the realm of theory, it's fine to wax philosophical, however in the realm of treatment, just as in medial treatment, we had better be absolutely certain of the efficacy of an intervention before administering it to our most precious charges, our children.

Here is an organization searching for survivors of holding therapy and attachment therapy.

What I'm going to do to change it
Be a voice. The most powerful thing I know to do of my own volition is provide people with information. To warn them, to make them aware. To empower people to think about what their therapist is suggesting they do. To STOP if they feel uncomfortable. To feel like they have the right to put off and later research procedures they are suggested to take. This goes for medication as well. If I can let enough people know about this and the dangers of it, perhaps one person who comes in contact with this will be able to recognize this for what it is and refuse to have it done to their child.

Quick rant

And then back to normal formatting
Dear World (and in particular, a certain friend of Roommate #2)
You are not in any way, shape, or form in charge of me or in authority over me or over the way I choose to raise my dog. Therefore, every single lecture you give me on how to train her will be politely refused. And in increments less politely. And finally one day I will snap and tell you right to your face that you are NOT my boss and I will NOT be spoken to in such a way. I am in no way beholden to you and I do not appreciate your judgement. If I decide that an old shoe that doesn't smell like me and I was going to throw away anyway is okay as a toy for the night before I throw it away, then I don't want to hear about how I'm forever dooming her to think that every shoe is fun to chew on. If dogs can be taught to differentiate between different toys and tools, they can be taught that some things are okay and some things are not. In fact, just after you left she made a move for Roommate #1's shoes but moved away from them when I said to leave it and happily picked up the shoe. Now she's done with it and I threw it away.

I am SO tired of how she acts in general and in particular how she feels she knows so much more about training and behavior and about how to raise my dog. We are making slow but steady improvement unaided by the fact that the room mates are somewhat causing roadblocks in training and I feel we'd be more successful if we lived alone right now. We are doing the best we can. I am doing my best. Next time I will very firmly yet as politely as possible point out that Penny is MY dog and I am doing what I feel works. If she feels differently that's fine, but I'm not going to change due to her advice, so I would appreciate it if she keeps her thoughts to herself. Since she recently lost her job due in part to not keeping her opinions to herself, I doubt this will do any good, but at least I'll know that she knows my position.

Next post will be back to the things I love/things I don't love/How I'm going to change it format.
End rant.

Heroes in a Half Shell (On a STICK!)

Things I Love

The Ice Cream Truck

When I was very young, likely before Brother was in the picture or at least before he was three, my dad and I would play outside, fly kites, etc., and he and Mom and I would take walks and almost ALWAYS bought something from the ice cream truck. After I was older, we'd save money for summer days when we could chase the ice cream truck (they never stopped in the right spot) to get something. Some of my neighbors even chased it several blocks on rollerblades!

A few years ago I got a huge craving for ice cream truck ice cream. No matter what happened, I could never catch them when I had cash in my wallet. This went on until early May of this year, believe it or not, when I was at the park with a few friends and the truck came by. I got my first ninja turtle of the millenium. Since then I've specially kept ice cream money in my wallet, and last time we went to tube the river I handed two soggy dollar bills to the lady in the truck.

Well anyway, today I was watching TV with my pup when I heard the familiar chimes of "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" passing by the house. Without hesitating, I grabbed my wallet and ran out the door -- barefoot -- and sprinted down to the end of the block where the truck sat waiting. I got another ninja turtle...I've decided I prefer them.

I realize I could probably buy these at a store and have the Heros in a Half Shell any time I want, however I think the thrill of the hunt is worth a little extra money, and the unpredictability makes it extra special.

Grilled Apricots

I made dinner today, and by that I mean a baked sweet potato and grilled apricots with almonds. Grilled apricots are Ah-MAZING. I dipped them in a little bit of melted butter and brown sugar and grilled them for only a few minutes, flipping them frequently. Then I threw them in a bowl and drizzled honey (raw local honey!), extra brown sugar, and some of my roasted almonds on them. I saved the almonds for last and had a lovely syrup to drizzle them in at the bottom of the bowl. I think they could have taken a little more time on the grill but flipped them more often.

I also love baked sweet potatoes, but I think that a picture of it would be rather boring.

Things I don't Love

Being Disorganized

People who know me will likely roll their eyes at this. I have always struggled with organization. And I'm not alone. People with ADHD have a lot of trouble getting organized. We'll get as far as neat piles in various locations that then get scattered when we need to find something. I have several piles going right now actually.

How I'm going to fix it

I honestly don't know how to do this. I recently spoke with a professor who advised me to stick to what works and not punish myself for systems I'm not successful with. My trouble is that I'll find a place for everything and then get something that doesn't fit into a category! OR I'll put something down and completely forget where. And then I'll get to a point of wanting to do something about it, but because I can handle big picture things but not necessarily all the details that make up the idea, I get overwhelmed with the scope of the task and simply don't do it. Again, this is true of most people with ADHD and was the same when I was medicated. When I realized that difficulty organizing was part of ADHD I understood why no matter how hard I tried growing up I couldn't keep a clean room, and why friendly admonitions to "just do it" caused me so much anxiety. It also explained why I was so strict about the systems I did have in place, such as my CD collection, my books, and my movies (Movies, for example, are all in the same telephone stand and arranged first by genre and then by title) I'm looking at various organization tips and recently got a special folder just for financial documents, however I'm still not sure how to go about this. Anyone have some helpful suggestions?

Coconuttylimestrawberrylicious

Things I Love:

Cupcakes

My room mate and I made awesome cupcakes yesterday. We made the cupcakes from this recipe and the icing from this recipe
and added the stuffed strawberries. We stayed up until 1 AM making them. Totally worth it. Penny enjoyed one of them...grr. Here they are pre-baking, the fluffiest batter I've ever seen. And here they are after baking! Coconuttylimestrawberrylicious. Room mate #2 iced them, I might have done it differently.

Texas Thunderstorms in Summer

I love love love the way clouds change the way colors look.

I love the way concrete smells when it rains, when it's so hot outside that the steam rises from the pavement.

I love the sound of thunder. I love the few days I get the chance to actually drink a cup of hot tea and sit by a window with a book watching the rain. When I have my own place I have to have a chair by a window.

Being treated like an expert

I babysat last week for an 11 month old. Her parents gave her a push-pull cart for her upcoming birthday. The dad said "What do you think about the length of that rope? Is that a safety hazard?" I looked up to see that he was asking ME! And then the mom asked me about transitioning from a bottle to a cup. I felt like looking behind me to see who they were really asking. They couldn't be asking this 23 year old grad student about parenting and child safety. Really?

It was amazing. I loved it. And I had answers. And I was listened to. I was an adult who had information, not some child they hired so they could run out of the house for a few hours. They trusted me and valued my opinions. And when I work in caregiver education I will be able to do that all the time.

Things I Don't Love:

My dog can get into my new trash can

The one I replaced my old trash can that I got for my very first dorm room with. I figured she shouldn't be able to get into it, but she keeps bringing me stuff from it.

What I'm going to do about it: My trainer said that if we keep putting non-exciting things in it, making sure there's no food or tissues in it. The problem is that this dog finds EVERYTHING exciting. She will bring me a clothes tag or a twist tie. I might have to bitter apple the whole thing or get a harder-to-open trash can.

My puppy is so smart!

hmm, revamp

My blog has lacked structure lately. And photos. I have decided, therefore, to change my format. Because a lot of my posts are complaints, I have decided that I'm going to focus on things I love. I will also mention things I don't love, but I'm also going to post how I'm going to change it. All of this should have at least one to three photos because, well, I think that will make things better all around and more entertaining (as a certain Disney villain once said, "How can you read this? There aren't any pictures!"). There will be messiness, because I, being a person who has ADHD (and has had it her whole life), am very bad at being organized and sticking to a system. But I will try. And maybe you readers can help me!
So, on to the first post!
Things I love:

Had to include Penny! As you can see, I've decided to forego the whole "no dog on the bed" rule. It lasted awhile, though!

This corner of the room. Let me point out the particulars. That blanket I crocheted in my last year at college (the year I started this blog!) and even though I didn't weave in the ends properly, I love wrapping myself in my gypsy blanket.

And of course, who could miss George Seraut's Sunday Afternoon on the Island de la Grande Jatte? A mild obsession with Sunday in the Park With George has secured my love for this painting and it has hung in every dorm room and apartment I've lived in since college (except for when I moved back home last year).

I took a trip to Austin for the day a couple weeks ago and strolled down South Congress (another "things I love" post for another day). I passed by a couple who were shadily leaning against a wall offering for people to look at their art. Most of it wasn't my thing, but then I saw this: and I really couldn't stop looking at it. This is an original and they gave it to me for $10. The next day I found a frame for it and put it on the wall. The artist is Levi Glassrock and he and his wife Sarah have a character called "stitchlip." They are on myspace, zazzle, youtube
and all sorts of things!

Oh my! It seems the Puppeh really likes to get into my pictures. I love this dog!

Probably among my favorite purchases was my bird sticker. I got this tree and a billion birds at Target. The flying birds are all heading over my window and the perching birds are hanging out on top of various pictures and frames in my room. Can you find the perched bird in this picture?

Now, things I don't love:

I tend to spread out clothes to dry on Penny's crate. And then I just drop stuff on it. And then the books on the top shelf get knocked over and I never put them back up because I'm too short to reach it without putting myself in danger.

What I'm doing to fix it:

I cleaned. Simple.

I don't know how long I'm going to format it like this; feedback would be great! For now, however, I think this is a nice change.

On Unwanted Suitors

Umm, I'm having a bit of a situation. Without revealing too much in case by some miracle of the interwebs they find this, I THINK I'm being pursued. By two men. In whom I have absolutely no interest. One is the first person I met in my program and he is a very nice person but I don't feel that we would be good for each other. And I think that he would see that fairly quickly were we to become involved. But it seems that he's been pursuing me -- unbeknownst to me -- since close to the beginning of the school year.
And on top of that, one of the men in the storytelling group I attend has been making overtures quite out of the blue. He called me sweetie and walked me to my car and gave me what I will deem the most awkward hug in the history of my life. This morning he started texting me and again texted me tonight asking how my day had been, where before I really don't think he had shown much interest.
My issue in both these situations is that I am not interested in dating these guys but also I have no experience letting people down easy (or rejecting them in general to be truthful). And they are both being a little vague about their intentions as well. I will see both of these people at gatherings over the course of the next year and I don't want to make things difficult or uncomfortable for either of us or the people in the group. Any tips people?

That does it!

Somebody get me a tapestry needle. I'm changing my name to Penelope.

Reliving nostalgia

Recently, I received a free subscription to netflix. I quickly stocked my queue and began watching whatever I could on demand. This led me to Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre. I watched a few episodes and came to one I recognized immediately, Sleeping Beauty. I must have seen it at a babysitter's house or something. Those of you who have seen this know that it's set in Russia and uses Tchaikovsky's original score from the ballet, and also that it features, among others, a young Christopher Reeve. I was not yet ten when the horseback riding accident robbed him of his mobility and I did not see many of his films or appearances. The minute he turned around his handsome head and played the humble, smiling, eager "squire" to the "significantly more handsome" "prince", I fell in love in a way I fell in love with Kevin Kline the first time I saw Pirates of Penzance and they way I fell for Kevin Kline again when I saw him in Cyrano de Bergerac. And I began to mourn for real the loss of this beautiful man. Mourn for his wife, widowed only a short time before she, too, left this world, leaving her son to walk the world alone.
I wish he was still here to lend his comedic turn to the stage today. I wonder what the world might be like if we were still graced with his presence.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure things are fine, and I can remember other posts I want to write at the present, but I'm really not in the mood to write anything, or at least anything too uplifting. I'm lonely and feeling a bit friendless and bemoaning the absence of someone to come home to (Penny only barely counts). The absence of someone who wants to hear about my day, of someone who cares. I'm sure another day and another time I won't feel this way, but for now I wish I had a companion.

well

I ate three meals today again too! And I did all last week as well. Sunday and Monday I wasn't feeling well and only managed I think two each day, however, each meal has been well-balanced (except for Saturday) and contained not only fruit but leafy green vegetables. And meat. Yes, it's kind of been the same meals over and over again, but I still say that's progress.

I love Texas Summers

I'm not joking. I LOVE Texas in the summertime. Maybe I just love summer. I love it when it rains and steam comes off the cement. In summer, the air looks different. The sun is different. Sunsets in Texas in the summer are awesome. Heck, I even like the occasional Texas sunrise (when I happen to see one). I love road trips with vinyl seats and peeling your leg off to take a rest stop. I love memories of driving out to the ranch and watching the buttes spring up from the ground. I so want to take a long road trip down one of the winding country roads (I35 may be convenient but it made us bypass some awesome scenery.
I love sitting outside on the porch watching fireflies until I can't take the mosquitoes anymore, and grilling corn right on the cob (even if corn is so overproduced and over-modified that it has almost no nutritional content) and cooking out with ANYTHING. I love toad hunts (just find them, catch them, and after looking at them a lot and wondering at finding them, let them go.
I love how music seems different in the summer. I want to make mixes of all my favorite happy tunes and just drive forever. I want to lay out on a blanket and stare at the sky until I fall asleep in the warmth of the afternoon sun. I want to roll down the windows as I cruise down the highway on my way to yet another awesome event in my favorite city. I want to leave my windows open and read in the patch of sunlight that hits my room in the mid afternoon. I want to go to the river and freeze at the cold of the water only to crawl out onto the rocks and air dry. I want to go waterskiing (which is the skiing I think of whenever someone just says "skiing") for the first time since last year. I want to go to the zoo. I want to watch a play in an outdoor amphitheatre.
And I get to do them all and more.
I love Texas summers.

houseguests.

This weekend one of my room mates got married. I was not invited (I think) but got to stay at the house alone while about six other people came and stayed over. One is a major creeper. He and one of the others got drunk, and one of them had stomach troubles in my bathroom. He used all my toilet paper.
Tonight, it is 2:20, and they are loudly and drunkenly talking downstairs. I will not sleep for awhile I think.
Houseguests, I know this is hard, but think about the proximity to bedrooms when you are speaking rather loudly. And think about the amount of alcohol you've consumed and MAYBE cut yourself off when you find you can't...um...think. Or function. Or perhaps don't drink at all if you're rather creepy to begin with. And ask if we recycle the BILLIONS of bottles you put in our trash can. Because we do.
In addition, homeowners, think about your room mates when you have house guests. If you know that your guests will get blindingly drunk and creep her out, suggest she go elsewhere for the weekend. I would have.
I already have been told that the weekend one of my room mates turns 21 is a good weekend to be absent. I think Penny and I might go to the beach or something. Gulf of Mexico KIND of passes for the beach. There's sand, there's water, there's a point where the two meet. There'll be drunk people there, too, though, I warrant. Nowhere is safe from the drunkards.
Also, I got an email my mom forwarded from her cousin. This cousin lives in western North Carolina (beautiful) and owns a pottery shop. Since I found out they had one (at a very young age) and especially after I decided to minor in art, I have wanted to ask if I could spend a summer with them and learn the wheel. Mom had been talking to her about something else and happened to send her some pictures of a few of my pieces. I now have a standing invitation to stay with them and work on pottery. In addition, I am invited to volunteer at/just go to their pottery festival, and she said she would love to see what I'd do if they set me loose with their resources. Now, of course, a lot of this could just be familial placation ("oh, you are so right. your child is SOOO talented...) but still, a standing invitation is a standing invitation and I'm eagerly searching for a date that might allow me to stay with them. I may be able to make it work in August. If not, I know where I'm spending Spring Break 2011!

sorry!

I know you are all reeling from the dearth of blog updates I've been doing lately. I mean, I must have clogged your readers or something with ALL the updates and posts I've done in the past few days! Whew! No? Strangely silent? Yes.
Because I don't really know what to write.
Yeah, things are going on but what I right at night time isn't true in the morning. I'm trying so hard to figure out how to deal with this whole ADHD business and frankly I'm not doing a spectacular job, but I'm making at least mental to-do lists if not hard copies, and I'm accomplishing at least some of the goals on the list. And I'm not completely organized yet but I have a shredder to forever get rid of some papers, and I got a new trash can to keep Penny from digging through it, and I got some of that Snapware stuff to organize my pantry shelf (it looks awesome) and I got and prepared some fruit and berries so all I have to do is pull them out of the fridge for a snack. And today I had three meals. I know that sounds like nothing special, but remembering to eat three separate meals is a huge deal for me. And apart from breakfast (greek yogurt with honey in it), it contained portions from all the food groups (a turkey sandwich with cheese, spinach and arugula, cantaloupe, strawberries and blackberries for lunch and dinner because I have limited fridge space). So that's a good start. And I made some awesome bookshelves all by myself, finished them, and mounted them on the wall. THEN I actually put things on them and organized the remaining books on the other shelf. I finished a project I started where the only stakeholder was me! In two days!
In addition, I took Penny back to the river. This time, we were in a shallow spot and it was just the two of us. Penny got in and walked around in it and even started trying to catch the plants that floated by (the river plants with lots of leaves? what are those?). At parts her feet swept out from under her because the current was kind of strong, and she actually GRABBED onto her leash, pulled herself to a less strong area, went to the bank of the river and started trying to pull ME out of the river. I told her she wasn't done yet and she did SO well. She was taking treats and everything. I want to do it again soon but my schedule would have me doing it early in the morning or rushing home after work for MAYBE an hour of sunlight, then send us back to the car in the dark through a park that is already secluded enough to lend itself to prowlers.
Anyway, class being out has been so great but I truly would have preferred a proper break from work as well. I don't really get a vacation of any sort except maybe national holidays and then the summer semester ends only a week before classes, meaning I would start my other Graduate Assistantship (whichever I may get) the following week. No rest for the weary, eh?

nevermind.

sad.

Wish me luck

Just luck.
More later. :)

can't keep a good (wo)man down

So, today was going to be important: the first day back in two weeks absence from teaching Sunday School to the fourth and fifth graders. I got up early, left with plenty of time to spare, and arrived at 9:30. Only to slam my finger in my car door. For a few seconds I just stared at it dumbly, wondering how to get it out. Then I opened my car door. I got it right at the base of my nail and it started bruising up. And bleeding.I crumpled to the ground for a bit holding my finger. It HURT! I realized I needed to do something and that no one was going to see me out there. I went into my car and found the blue shop towels (paper towels but stronger) I got when my car was considering a mold farming career and applied pressure while walking into the church. There, the first person to notice I was hurt was Irwin, probably one of the most awesome old men I've ever met. He got the head pastor and she took me to her office and personally applied a band aid. Then Irwin took me to the kitchen and got me a bag of ice. One of my kids was in there and asked if he could see my finger, and I told him if I changed the bandage he could take a look at it. Then I headed to the Sunday School room. My co-teacher was there and when he saw the ice and heard what happened and I started crying again, he sent me home.
I got back to my car and it started hurting in earnest. I ran a redlight because for some reason I thought it was a stop sign and drove myself to...you guessed it...the emergency room. For the second time in two weeks. Only this was a better hospital. They drained my fingernail and gave me a tetanus shot, x-rayed my finger (it isn't broken) and sent me home.
And I have a paper due at 9 AM tomorrow. Dumb timing. I'm figuring out nine-fingered typing (which is made more interesting by the fact that my computer likes to click randomly, moving my line of type to another line). On Wednesday this horrible semester will be done and I will have four and a half weeks to recover from it. I'd go somewhere but my job has me working through the summer.
I'm shooting for 175 points out of 200 on this paper. Fingers crossed, everyone! My working goal for the next two weeks is to avoid going to the ER a third time. If I'm there again this time on the 17th it'll be really ridiculous and I'll no doubt begin entertaining theories that I'm under some sort of curse.

Oh, yeah, I have ADHD...

I had SUCH a hard time focusing this week. I actually stayed up until five AM working on a paper today. Then I woke up late for work and made a power point presentation at work, went to class and presented my paper, then wrote another paper (which was a page too short) went to that class and came home. I couldn't focus, had trouble staying on task, and kept doing other things.
I came home and read an article on adult ADHD.
I remember when I came to grad school I was doing so well when I made sure I had a normal sleep pattern and ate regular meals. In addition, I need to manage my time with that awesome day planner I spent forever looking for and really organize myself.
A girl I work with was talking to me the other day when I mentioned my problems with ADHD and she said 'ADHD, is that really real?' Let me be the first to say, for every single one of you who might ask the same questions:
I am not just lazy, unintelligent, unmotivated, or any other excuse you have for ADHD. I have a condition which causes me to have difficulty focusing and controling impulses. When I work on something, a million new ideas and other tasks are flowing through my mind at once. Half the time I stay up late it's because I think "hey, I always wondered about [insert obscure thing here], let's research this!" or "Hey, I want to look at some pictures of puppies, let's go to flickr!" It's something called hyperfocus. This is when people with ADHD are working on a task and get extremely focused on a minor detail, like when I was putting up the sticky notes for my paper and was concerned with aligning them perfectly, or when cleaning my room I decide to meticulously arrange and go through the beads in my bead box. It's compulsive behavior that is terribly hard to pull myself away from. While working on something in hyperfocus, I often think "this is not big picture, I need to move on to something else" but I don't.
My mother's answer to this problem is more meds, which may work for other people. For me, I want to learn to control these impulses myself. I was medicated for most of my life and it involved not only remembering to take a pill every day and sometimes twice a day but also frequent check-ups with a psychiatrist to maintain dosage, EKGs to make sure the medicine wasn't messing up my heart, and exhorbitant amounts of money for all of these. In addition, the last medication I was on (when I was eighteen) made me feel foggy, tired, and slur my words when I didn't get enough sleep. I am trying to simplify my life and take the minimum amount of medication possible (which, with allergies, asthma, and an iron defficiency is still a lot), so I am trying to keep from going on meds.
The thing is, it is SO hard to take care of myself when I constantly have to justify that 1) ADHD exists and 2) I have it. I guess the inattentive component is harder to identify.
So yes, I know this is a hot-button issue, and I know it's overdiagnosed, but know that many people like me do have it, it's real, it's NOT an excuse, and we have to develop all new strategies for performing tasks that you can do without a second thought.
The End.

Being sick is dumb

I really really REALLY want to move my bed right now. I want to rearrange that whole area. But I KNOW that would just kill my energy level. Really would. And my room mates would come home to all my stuff in the middle of the house with me collapsed on the floor asleep. Right? Electrolytes aren't THAT effective, right? I'm just so BORED and when I get up to do something I get tired. And I have all these great ideas when I really need to be working on the paper my professor so generously gave me an extension on. Or the presentation over that paper that I'm supposed to give on Wednesday. Or the peer review of the 27 page long paper that is due Tuesday. Or the final draft of MY version of that paper, which is definitely not 27 pages long. Or the project in another course which is due Wednesday. All of these would be a better idea to work on. Look, now I'm tired again.

Get to know the people you stick.

Today I left work feeling sick and ended up going to the emergency room to get checked out. I'm fine, everyone, I promise. And to those friends who perhaps might have been upset at not being called, if it was anything at all, I would have told you. It seems I was sick this weekend and getting over it kind of threw me over.

Anyway, the nurse I had was particularly awesome. Seriously. She was easy to talk to, started off by asking if I knew that I didn't look like I was 23. I laughed and told her it wasn't the first time I heard it. We talked about that, then she told me I looked smart. I said it was the glasses, and she said no, it was the way I carry myself, the way I talk. I said it was something you learn when you are 23 and look fifteen, but she said it was more than that.
Then we talked about getting stuck for IVs, and it turns out she is a breast cancer survivor. She said she tries so hard to make sure that she does a good job when she has to draw blood so that she causes as little pain as possible. She was just amazing. When she left, my friend who came to stay with me turned to me and said "she needs to teach other nurses how to interact with patients."
I totally agree.
Get to know the people you stick. Even if you don't literally stick them. Get to know the people who come to the cash register, who enter your office, who buy ice cream from your truck. Get to know the people you stick. It makes a difference.

The little things.

Last week the after school program (ASP) and I tested our little twig boats in the recreation pool. Then I had a bit of a disagreement with one of the girls about obedience (not running off ahead when I'm the only caregiver present, for one), and we had to go talk to her mom. She then proceeded to pout the rest of the day, at one point picking up a stick and a big block of cedar and rubbing them together, saying that she was going to make a fire and throw it on me. I ignored the behavior, assuming that she had some pent-up agression and needed to release it through imaginative play. I knew she wasn't ACTUALLY going to start a fire. Nevertheless, I told her mother about it the next day, and she was very upset. She told me to tell the girl that it was not appropriate, and the next time she did something like that to immediately call her.
It seems that day she gave her daughter a lecture about it before dropping her off with me, because she wouldn't speak to me. She spent most of this week ignoring or trying to be disobedient in one way or another.
Then yesterday she and her brother were the only ones present for ASP. Her brother was tired and slept the whole time, leaving just the two of us to play and talk. We were playing "Sorry" (the board game based on Parchisi) when she all of a sudden said "I'm sorry, Kate."
I thought she was talking about the game, so I asked what for.
"For being mean to you."
Unbidden. We hadn't even discussed it. I was so proud of her! I am still so proud of her! I told her that I'm a safe person to be mad at because I'm not just going to up and leave because she says something mean to me, and that it was alright. Then she invited me to her spelling bee.
This child is used to having all the attention and then suddenly her little cousin is taking all of it, staying at their house a lot, and she's not getting her way in everything. Learning this lesson at nine years old is hard, much harder than learning it at four, and I know that she is making progress in learning to think about how other people feel. And that is awesome.

Penny likes to roll the windows down...

Some days I don't know if I can handle this dog anymore. Some days I can't get anything done because she jumps on me at the computer until I pay attention to her. Some days she gets my leather sketch journal and chews on the cord I use to tie it closed. Some days I catch her "feasting on the Word", and there's a corner missing from the cover of my study Bible. Some days she runs and runs and runs and barks and jumps.
And then we have a day like today.
I came home from studying for my exam expecting Penny to be ultra hyper. Unresponsive. Disobedient. But no, she listened to me! She had one time out to calm down when we had a guest come, but she DID calm down. And then we went through her commands just because, and I didn't have to say it more than once. And now she is chewing on one of HER toys and hasn't bothered me once since I got on the computer (which was only about twenty minutes ago). And I remember she has a few weeks until our intermediate obedience class starts, and that I'm not afraid to bring her around other dogs, and that I trust her more now, and am in tune with her, and I realize how beautiful owning and raising a dog can be. Especially one who may not have had the greatest of pasts.

We DID have a kind of crazy Saturday though. I took her to the river and wore my swimsuit so that we could get in the water together. Penny is scared of deep water so I have a life jacket for her. (She's also overweight and the river has a current, so I feel better having one on her. I've gotten A TON of comments and I am getting a tiny taste of people telling others how to raise their children, and I don't like it. No, dogs do not automatically take to the water. You have to condition them to it. I have read a bit of this. And also, just because something CAN swim doesn't mean they can swim as long as I want to be in the river, where I can touch the bottom. Rant over.)
We got to the river. I jumped in. Penny braced herself on the bank. I called, I cajoled, I pulled with the leash, but she would not come. Then I made a bad decision. I grabbed the handle on her life jacket and pulled her in with me. She gave the most distressed panting sound I have ever seen. She frantically paddled over to me and tried to climb onto me, leaving scratch marks on my torso and thighs. She swam back over to the bank and held onto the roots, panting like crazy. I couldn't get her off of them. The families watching me were yelling "ohh! Pobre perrito! Tiene miedo!". I got out of the water, helped her out of the river, and we walked back to the car.
The pre-vet club was holding a fund-raiser dog wash so I went over there to get the mud off of her. It took all four of us to hold her in the kiddie pool and wash her down.
I took her to Petsmart (which I think might be her favorite place) as a reward/apology for the rest of the day. Then we went to Chick Fil A. I got a meal, Penny got a cup of ice, and we sat on the porch and ate our treats. Poor thing.
I am NOT giving up on this water thing, but I am going to change my tactics. We'll get this beat!

My beloved monster and me...

I took a pay-as-you-go contemporary dance course today. It was the first dance class I'd visited since clogging over two years ago. And the last class I took like this was six years ago. I danced barefoot. I think I have a blister on my big toe. Not on top of, but under, where I walk. And I definitely got confused by really really simple combinations (I may have been a bit dehydrated). I'm not on the same level I was six years ago (was it really six years??? I can't believe it!) but I'm doing it! And I'm going to get more in shape! It felt so good to break a sweat and have my mind challenged at the same time. I hope next week is even better! I'm bringing tape in case the studio doesn't have the shoes again.
My dance instructor was this old, slightly overweight woman and she danced right alongside us. We did a pretty ridiculous routine to "my beloved monster" from Shrek. But we still danced. And--get this, dancer people-- we did pirouettes across the floor BACKWARDS! I've never done that before! She said it was in preparation for going both forwards and backwards so dancers practice direction changes. I need to practice that majorly! And I think I might even practice the combination.

But, it did kind of piss me off that I could only do a single pirouette when six years ago I was working on my triple. I blame the bare feet.