Health Update

The culture my doctor took showed no signs of infection so they took me off of the antibiotics. Tomorrow at 10 AM I have a sonogram to see what on earth may be messing with me. I have to get up early to drink 32 ounces of water so they can press mercilessly on my abdomen. :) It's really not all that bad. The hospital is close and I'm used to being further away than that by 9. Anyway, I likely won't know the results of it that day (unless it's something really bad!) but I will let you all know as soon as I hear anything.

I noticed today that there may be some swelling in my hip/waist area. I was trying to hold a baby on my hip at work and she kept sliding off. My waist is usually about 9 inches smaller than my hips, so I cannot remember the last time I had that problem. I had to hold her in front of me so she could sit on my hips that way. Very strange.

On another note, I'm looking for the perfect bedspread/quilt/comforter for my apartment. I don't expect I'll need to worry about the cold because I'm going further south and I have a blanket collection (a consequence of my first room mate who loved to blast the A/C on high all the time and the heat off with the windows open in spring). I'm thinking about a fair trade quilt made in India (I like the style). My sheets are a deep purple so I was thinking an orange one in big blocks would be good. Or maybe the Jaipuri method. Does anyone have a good resource for this? I've found one prospect...might as well try to buy it. I don't have any idea how reputable the site is as I haven't seen any reviews, so I'm hesitant to order it. I don't want crazy stuff happening with my credit card all the way over in India.

One Hiccup gone!

I have minimized on my desktop the LEASE for my new apartment, to move in four days before my first day of classes. I'll have three flat mates but a locking room and bathroom to myself and free cable and internet! I won't have to worry about furniture but space will be limited. For some odd reason, maybe because they realize they're renting to grown-ups, the beds in these little rooms are full-sized instead of twin-sized. I could save so much space...oh well. Not really.
So anyway, I'm excited and I no longer have to comb the craigslist ads for creepers...though I might just for fun.

GAAAAH!

THIS is what I'm up against as far as finding a place to stay. Craigslist, you are sooo shady.
Okay I'll copy it here so you can actually read it. Stuff has been marked out so I can protect what privacy I have (it says what school I'm going to).

hi,
i am a grad student (single male) that is looking for a single female as a roommate that is having financial issues and cannot afford housing. i understand not everyone is getting financial support from parents, etc, or financial aid isn't covering all of your living expenses. i am not going to be living there very often, maybe a few days a week and probably not on weekends. i figure a single cute female could basically have the place to herself when im not there. i only ask the following:
1. you don't host parties there
2. you don't invite random people there, especially guys
3. you don't do drugs (not even 420)
4. non smoker preferred, or if you do smoke you must smoke outside
5. you don't make a mess and pick up after yourself

so you're asking what the catch is? free rent in exchange for what? i am going to get a 1-bedroom / 1-bathroom apartment, so when im there i would hope to be able to cuddle with ya. no nakedness, no sexual favors, no quid pro quo. i just miss cuddling with a really cute co-ed and would like to every now and again. i figure since i wont be there very often you pretty much will have your own place and not have to pay rent. this offer would be for summer 1, summer 2, fall 2009, and spring 2010. at the end of this 12 months we can figure out if we want to continue or not. of course since you're not paying for anything you're absolutely able to leave this arrangement any time you want to. i am asking that if you're interested in this arrangment you email me some pics (face and full body (clothed is fine)). we can then meet up in public over coffee and see if we click. if we do then we can start looking for a good apartment that meets both of our needs. that also means you don't need to be on the rental application if you don't want to, that way you don't need a co-signer or what not. i promise you i am not ugly, weird, or sick. i am 5'8", 180 pounds, not fat, and hwp. so if you're single cute female hit me up with a cell # and pics. and oh by the way - only --- students need apply. i will ask to see your student ID to verify this.
campus at --- (-) (-)
Location: --- (--- Students only)
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Okay, so this "NOT CREEPY" guy wants to trap you in a tiny apartment on the condition that he can paw you when he's home? So this poor girl, whoever she is, will be kept by this man, depend upon him because she cannot afford a place to stay, and share a bed with him whenever he comes back? I don't care what he says, you know eventually he's going to go in for some sex. And I bet he has that in mind right now "If I can get her to be okay with this, I'll totally get laid all year!" This guy is such a creeper I keep saying "euuught!" as if I'm trying to get a bad taste out of my mouth. Did you notice he asks for no guys to be brought over? Ladies, he will own you. You will not get to find someone and date them, because the guy that pays your rent doesn't want you dallying off with other guys. But hey, don't worry, he's HWP (height-weight proportional)!

I've seen more ads of this ilk in my area (probably because it's not just college students but gross, lonely old men) to be fair, but still...guuuh.

Hiccup! Hiccup!

Well, found another hiccup.
Early in January I experienced some lower abdominal pain. Thinking it was another cyst (as I'm prone to those) I went to the doctor to have it checked out. No cyst. I went on with life figuring that since they had looked at me I would be fine and I could contact someone if it got worse.
Cut to Friday. I'd realized the pain was a bit worse and I experienced some other uncomfortable symptoms. I went to the doctor again.
Now of course the first thing they do at the doctor is take your blood pressure and temperature, and then they weigh you. I jumped up on the scale and then I felt a little faint.
You see, I've always struggled to keep on weight. I really just hated to eat when I was little and though I eat whenever I'm hungry now, I guess sometimes it isn't enough. I remember my mom cheering because I was in the 5th percentile (on the chart! YESSSS!). Anytime I'm in a stressful situation or my time is limited or I'm ill, I drop a few pounds. In college I lost seven pounds the semester I was in pageant. Then I lost them all over again a year and a half later when I had a case of the flu on top of a sinus infection. I never gained them back and have stayed at a very small 92 for about a year.
That day when I stood on the scale, I read 89 lbs. I haven't weighed that in about ten years. Needless to say I had a little conniption. 89 pounds is a BMI of about 17.7 which means I'm officially underweight. Not good. (In research for this blog entry I have read that many doctors say that the BMI is too broad a measure, which I agree to.)
So then I talked to the doctor about all my symptoms and she said I'm...erm...passing a lot of protein. I probably have a UTI and I'm on an antibiotic that makes me dizzy and hot and nauseous.

I know it may seem silly to worry about a loss of three pounds but that's a big deal to me. I'm not always able to guarantee that I can gain it back and I need to be in good shape, especially since the little girl I watch is up to 43 pounds. I've researched a little bit about diet and weight gain and the meal plan I found looked like I would have to increase my food intake by about five times, which I don't think I can do. (BTW guys it's not about packing on the pounds. I have to eat healthy just like anyone else.) It also suggests that I do weight-bearing exercises. Other than rock climbing, I don't like most weight-bearing exercises.
My mother says that we should focus on getting well first and then we will work on the rest of it.

And let me just say this before anyone comments. I know that most people have the opposite problem and think "Oh man I wish I could say that" or something equally belittling. I know that many people struggle to lose weight. But the thing is that underweight people pose many of the same health risks as overweight people. In an absence of body fat, the body goes after muscles for fuel. Because of this, many underweight people are at a risk for heart problems (such as arrhythmia). There's a higher occurrence of brittle bones and osteoporosis. (I'm allergic to milk so I'm already calcium deficient.) One article I read said that underweight people are more prone to anxiety or depression. Less weight means less strength, less fuel, and a diminished ability for a body to keep itself warm. Also, telling an underweight person to "just gain weight" or "just eat more" is like telling an overweight person to just eat less or work out more. So please do not trivialize my problem in light of your own sufferings.
Rant over. I'm really more worried about my health.

Unforeseen Hiccup

So everything is set for grad school. I have my financial aid in, I registered for classes, I know what church I'd like to start with, I even know a few people that will be down there. I'm all ready, right?
Oh yeah...where will I LIVE?
Turns out that the answer to this question is a lot harder than I expected it to be. I'm having trouble finding somewhere that doesn't look like a front for a meth lab. Or maybe a place where I won't have to share a bathroom with five guys. Oh, and a place that doesn't advertise the fact that they're all about smoking marijuana would be nice.
If I could just be down there for awhile and figure it all out, that would be great, but I'm stuck running back and forth (it's four hours one way) because other than days I specifically take off, I work seven days a week.
And on top of that, I think I'm competing with thousands of people for a place to stay.
I'm so tired from looking at ads and reviews. I wish I had something more reputable than Craigslist.

Pardon?

I've been told by a few people that it's surprising that I like children or want to work part time when I have them or that I want them at all because I'm a "feminist." Living in a more conservative part of the country and knowing the stigma the word feminist has, I shouldn't have been surprised. In high school when I described myself as a feminist, a girl who drove me to dance lessons told me that I needed to read my Bible more because those women are a bunch of bra-burning abortionists who don't know their proper place, and that if men would just step up and be men we wouldn't have this whole problem.
Okay, so obviously I don't believe that. I'm not some crazy person who is out to murder every unborn child I can get my hands on. I'm not on the verge of ripping various undergarments from my body and setting them aflame (though at times when I cannot find something that fits I feel like doing it!). I don't hate men. I don't hate children.
To be honest I think that the best term to describe me is egalitarian. I believe that the assignation of a single chromasome has no bearing on ability, intelect, compassion, and has no ability to determine capability. I believe that a person's gender should not determine his or her salary. I also believe that the best person for the job should get it, rather than a company focusing on statistics and appearing female or male friendly.

It shocks me that people would think that for these ideals I would dislike children or not want to spend time with them. My mother raised me believing that there was not one thing I could not do because I was a girl. She encouraged me to do my best and to pursue anything that caught my interest. She did the same with my brother and continues to do so. My mom is also a nurse and often had to work rather than spend time with us. My mother is strong and assertive. At the same time, I have never met someone who works better with children. She was a pediatric nurse for probably close to twenty years and is the first person I ask when I have trouble with a charge. The kids I nannied for last year are absolutely drawn to her and when I was in high school and the children I babysat for drove me crazy, she could come over and fix everything. I'm still learning to relate to young children the way she does.

And this is the woman that taught me that men and women are equally capable.

See guys, not all feminists/egalitarians hate children or are bad mothers/wives. In fact, I would venture to say that the vast majority are more like my mom.

I lost her yesterday

On Monday night we noticed Panda could not stand up. We watched her for awhile and then she got up on her own. The next morning she could not get up and I rushed her to the vet. They told me that Panda probably was having a heart attack of sorts and may have had a stroke. They let me stay with her while the rest of the family rushed over from work and school. I petted her and talked to her, and basically said goodbye. Everyone else got there pretty close to each other and we all talked with the vet about euthanasia. We knew Panda wasn't going to pull herself out of this and since she was twelve and a half years old the vet didn't have much hope of bringing her back around. After awhile, Dad asked if everyone was ready to get the vet, and my brother wanted a little time to say goodbye. Right after he stopped petting her and just as Dad was standing up to get the vet, Panda took a deep breath and left us right there. We were all so thankful that she made the decision for us.

It's strange how her death has affected me. When I struggled to load her into my car, keeping her thirty eight pounds wrapped up in a towel, and when I drove to the vet, I was sobbing. I cried throughout the experience. I think I knew when I came down and saw her that she wouldn't make it that day. But strangely I think I'm okay. I think it's because I got to say goodbye. Tiffy, my first childhood dog who died about two years ago, left us while I was at school and the family was out of town. Just two weeks before that Scout died unexpectedly in our backyard a day before I went back to college for the year. I don't think I've forgiven him yet, as silly as that sounds. But Panda was such a good girl, letting us get in our time with her and then keeping us from making such a hard decision.

This past year that I was home I worked extra hard on her coat to make it better and we made several outings just this past month. Of course, I still have to keep from referring to her in the present tense. And I have to say that I miss her very much. Today Mom and Dad and I took the other dogs for a walk and Panda was notably missing. When Mom came home from work, she didn't bark. And I've found myself wanting to sink my hands into her fur and pet her again. When she died I did that for a long time, memorizing what she looked like, what her fur felt like. I hate that I've forgotten things about some of our animals who passed away. I remember Tiffy well, but when I try to picture Scout, who was only with us for five years, I get his picture confused with our current Rat Terrier mix. The most memorable thing I have is the grunting noise he made when he was sniffing at something. He used to stick his nose in my ear and grunt. I have a good picture of her in my mind, but I cannot seem to translate it on paper. I also don't seem to have a very recent picture of her. Too bad. I wish I had gotten a picture of her carrying her toy. She was absolutely adorable with it.

I'm having some trouble remembering she's really gone. But then, sometimes I think I hear Tiffy's bark when I come in, and she's been gone over two years.