To the door-to-door salesman who treated me rudely:
"Sir, I am sure that, it being late in the day, you are tired and have had many doors slammed in your face. And that can't be good for morale, even in the kindest, most ridiculously happy person. But that does not give you permission to treat the daughter of the homeowner you so dearly wish to speak with with shortness and rude behavior. Perhaps you'll notice that being rude to customers does not quite help your cause."
He was equally rude to my dad...not the best field for him.
To the mechanic who thought the sound my car was making (and he couldn't reproduce) was the result of a "woman driver."
"Sir, perhaps you haven't noticed that out here in the parking lot you are outnumbered by women. Your manner sorely offends and if problems arise further in my car, you should bet that you will be held personally responsible."
Turned out that they had installed my alternator wrong...which led to a shredded belt throwing a hole in my radiator (the sound I heard was caused by the hole), which in turn overheated my engine and melted the head gasket. I had to get a whole new engine. I think at the time I took a step towards him sort of shaking my head and clenching my fists and my mom said something like "you don't want to say that to her." I'm sure my four foot eleven self was very intimidating...and his grin in response masked tremoring fear unlike any he'd ever experienced.
To the woman dropping of her son today that looked at me and said "shouldn't you be in school?"
"Yes, but once my son was born I had to drop out and help support my family."
I really really want to use that one...but I don't like lying. I told her I graduated college in August and her eyes got big and her jaw dropped "you look like you're 16!" I do plan, however, as soon as I am married and pregnant and showing, to go to a bridal shop and start trying on wedding gowns, though it's probably not that shocking in this day and age. I'm also tempted to order an alcoholic beverage at every restaurant that offers me a kids menu.
I'll post more as they come to me. Now you tell me: what are some great responses you wish you'd said, and only thought of them as you were leaving...or upon thinking over the conversation several years hence?
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