My eHarmony Success Story

I know, readers who look at this will do a double-take. "Whwhwhaaaaa? Kate posts all the time about how she isn't ready for this! What is she talking about?"
Fret not, dear readers, it's not that kind of success story.
I've kept this a virtual secret with only a few people knowing for a few months because, frankly, I was embarrassed that I fell victim to a moment of weakness. And I didn't want to appear desperate at 21.
But, I told my story after a recent shower to a few friends who had similar stories (or sympathetic feelings) and decided that sharing this would be empowering, educational, and probably tick off the high mucky mucks at eHarmony if it ever got back to them. So here it is, my eHarmony success story.
Spring Break, this year, my mother and I were watching television when an eHarmony commercial came on (you know, "we met each other online and we were perfect for each other, and I can't imagine life without him" along with "find your perfect match" all to the tune of "This will Be (an everlasting love)" by Natalie Cole). My mother, with truly my best wishes at heart, turned to me and said "why don't you join eHarmony, Kate?" I sat, pretty much shocked for awhile, an slowly turned my head to face her (upon which I believe she burst into laughter...sometimes my disapproving looks are so priceless I think she says things just to see them) and said "I'm 21! I have plenty of time! I don't even know where I'm going to BE in the next few months, how could I possibly go into a relationship knowing that I might move out of state? I'm not so desperate yet that I am going to give up on meeting the right guy naturally!"
Mom explained that I had just been talking about my relationship status so much and how I didn't like where I was in that, that this seemeds like a good option.
After a bit of silence, I said, "If Ben and Courtney get married before I do, I'll join eHarmony. But not before then!"
Ben is my little brother who turned 18 this summer and Courtney is his oh-so-cute girlfriend. They are planning on getting married* once they are both out of college, at which point I will be around 28 years old. Since I would like to have kids starting around age 29, I figure eHarmony will have to help me out a bit.
Back at the dorm, all of the RAs are talking in our RA meeting. And one of the amazing women I work with is talking about a new relationship, while another one has been dating a man who will be her fiance probably sometime next year, and another woman is waiting for her man to return from the war so she can marry him. Yet more friends are in meaningful relationships and either engaged or about to be engaged. Yes, there are three other RAs besides myself and one other RD in the room who aren't in relationships, but loneliness likes to compound itself until you are the only one in the room who knows how you feel. Add to that the fact that we had a question and answer game at the beginning of the meeting that on this particular night (not sure if it was the night it all went down, but for storytelling's sake, let's say it was, because it was a contributing factor) the game asked for reasons why it was good to be single. I couldn't think of one reason why it was good to be single in that moment. And I told them that. I told them that I was lonely, that I was NOT happy with my current non-relationship status, and that I could see, yeah, the independence was probably great, but I could not at that moment be happy at all with my present state.** My RD is a woman of great wisdom and while a lot of times she sticks with humor, this time she gave me some really good advice. Not for things to do, but just how I really can be happy and be single at the same time (apparently they weren't mutually exclusive!). Of course, me being in my extreme please pity me state, I didn't really believe it for awhile.

I believe later that night (or that weekend or something, maybe even later, though if it was after the meeting it was after 2AM on a school night because I had duty on meeting nights) I sat on my bed with my tiny coconut lamp lending its pathetic little 40 watt light on my head and pulled up eHarmony on my computer. I got halfway through the ridiculously long (albeit important I guess) quiz before I closed my laptop in frustration and probably started crying a little bit because it was late, and I think I actually said "what's the use!"

That, I thought, was the end of this eHarmony madness.

The next day/week or so, however, I got two emails from eHarmony, saying that they noticed how I hadn't finished my questionnaire, that eHarmony was the best way to meet your perfect match, and asked me in the subject line if I was "ready to find true happiness".
Guilt ridden, I dutifully returned to my profile and finished the quiz/deep delve into the depths of my soul in 27 pages. At this point I thought that I would just see what happened. My matches popped up immediately. Immediately I got five matches. FIVE MATCHES! I didn't know that there were that many compatible people in the area! A few of them were out immediately in my mind simply because of what they wrote in their profile (really bad grammar, really poor manner of describing themselves, or so cliche as to prove they had little imagination...I must be rather particular) but I let things be for the moment, because I didn't realize that these guys could see my profile as well!
In the next few days I was rejected as a match by someone I had already mentally rejected, but hey, rejection is rejection and it hurts, right? But THEN I got a few new matches AND I believe two or three of my matches "expressed an interest in opening communication with me." I looked them over (there was one guy about 45 minutes out of town that seemed for all I could tell like a good match for me) and tried to open communication with Mr. Rightand45minutesaway. That was when I was hit with, "You have to be a subscribing member to communicate with other matches." Desperate to respond to this guy but not sure how, I "put the relationship on hold" stating that I was spending some time away from the internet. You see, when you're not a subscribing member, you get to tell these people things by clicking a bubble, you can't type anything. Then I looked at the rates. The shorter your subscription period, the more expensive it is. And I again thought, I don't even know if I'm going to have a job this summer! So, I ended up "ending the relationship," clicking the bubble saying that I was not ready for a relationship at this time, and mentally wishing Mr. Rightand45minutesaway happy matches and the best of luck.

Then I talked to some friends. None of them said that I had done something wrong, none of them condemned me for wanting to be in a relationship, but all of them agreed that I might not be in the best place in my life to be in a relationship. Little Yentl put it very well, saying that I probably got curious, and now I was overwhelmed. She also warned me that a lot of these people start profiles like this because they are ready to get married NOW, and she didn't think I was there (I definitely WASN'T!).

So now the question was, how on earth do I close my account? I found the link to remove my account and started the process. And it is most definitely a process. I think I had to click "yes, I want to close my account with eHarmony" several times. I was routed to a page addressing me, with a three point bulletin in the middle stating that 1) 50% of all marriages end in divorce, 2) it is harder than ever in this day and age to find someone that fits you perfectly, and 3) eHarmony offers the best way to find that person. At which point I realized that these people were trying to sell something to me, not to help me, all along. I skimmed through the rest of the lengthy letter stating how difficult it would be for me to find happiness on my own, and clicked on the button that said, again, "yes, I would like to close my account with eHarmony." And I took a deep breath and sent a facebook message to my three friends that knew.

Now, of course, I know that this was the right thing for me. I spent most of my summer going to class and not doing really anything else, and now that I've graduated I'm looking for a nine to five job and not really doing anything else (other than being sick). I don't want a long distance relationship to start out with him coming up to visit me at my family's house and see that I really am pretty boring when my days aren't structured.
I turned 22 last Friday. I have yet to hear back from the one job in the area that I really want, and I have (as far as I know) absolutely no dating prospects, and I'm happy with that. I'm happy with the fact that I can have the comforter that I want, that I don't have to worry about traveling or about when I do end up moving out of state for grad school (please oh please oh please let me in!). Now my RD's advice makes sense. Now I know I can be happy at this state, that it's HEALTHY to have a life of my own. I also know that I am nowhere near ready to get married, and I admire my friends who are. I keep thinking that if I marry someone after I turn 25 (which is only three years away...who knows where I'll be then?) my probability of getting a divorce goes down (statistically it's a benefactor...who's to say though, really?) and I'll hopefully be more financially stable. (Working five hours a week at the church nursery really isn't very lucrative!)

That is my eHarmony success story: I discovered that I don't need it. Cheers to all of you who use it and find happiness, but at this place in time I really don't think I'm right for the whole thing, or that it's right for me.

Have a good Friday!
Kate

*Before all the snarky comments about young love and puppy love and "oh don't we all think this will happen", please note that a dear friend of mine is about to get married to her high school sweetheart whom she has dated exclusively from the age of 15. I know the odds are against them but if they work well with each other then so be it. I always say that I won't say anything to the pro or con of this whole thing until we get there, because I wouldn't mind if Courtney ended up being my sister in law, and I also know that plans and people change. So let's let the young couple be optimistic and not rain on their parade, seeing as it is six long years in the making.
**Which is a clue, people, that you're not ready for a relationship...because you'll likely jump into the wrong one because it was the first one to come along.