Retellings

I have decided to use one of the journals a dear friend gave me to write my fairy/folk tale retellings. When I'm thinking of a tale a lot I write it in my journal (usually instead of studying or sleeping, but hey, the muse works when the muse works). So far I have my version of Maid Maleen and of The Selkie. It's really been nice to work on something shorter than my big book that I've been writing for years and also to know that I may incorporate some of these into it (since my main character has a penchant for storytelling as well). And on top of that, the storytelling guild I meet with is making "Mother Ireland" the theme for March, so I get to use my Selkie story! I'm so glad I have an outlet for nontechnical writing. I'm about to pull my hair out with all the annotated bibliographies and citations and lit reviews that litter my to-do list here in graduate school.
(Miss Willow and CarrieHammie, if you want to read them when I see you this weekend you are more than welcome! I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE YOU!)

On waiting

It is so strange to be at this place in my life. I thought when I started grad school I would be just constantly moving, eternally fixed at the goal of adding that hood to my regalia. The thing is I have so much time right now to myself, to think, to listen, to watch. I feel so much older than these people in college (and really, four years makes a difference) but I still feel very young (because I am). And truly, I am mostly content with my life as it is. I am drenched with schoolwork in classes I really am not excited about and I have a job that is a far second from what I really wanted, a job I had to take and must stick with until the end of the summer (which is not too too far away in the grand scheme of things) and even with Penny I feel lonely, like something is missing.
I feel so strange being at a place in my life where I think that I really actually am ready to think about getting married (but not ready at the same time). I wish right now that I had that confidante, that when I left my phone in the other room I had at least one missed call or text message from a special someone wanting to talk about our days (or really from any someone! I don't get a lot of calls or text messages). I am so happy with who I am right now. I really am. I think, though, that I might be ready for more. And because that "more" isn't really apparent at the moment, that means I must wait. And watch. And listen. And be content with that for the time being.

NOT hypothyroidism!

You heard me! It seems that I have an iron defficiency and not hypothyroidism. This is so easy to fix I'm almost laughing. Taking iron. That's it. That's all I need to do, supposedly, to make sure that my energy level is back up and I am not having scary stroke-like symptoms.
So yes, this is good.

Cooking for one?

Why were we never prepared for this? I grew up helping prepare family meals, which were always for four. Even if all of us weren't at dinner we cooked for the whole family. Now...cooking for one? What is the point of cooking for just one person? How do I shop for myself? How do I put together a grocery list of necessities (especially since I don't drink milk and cannot possibly go through a dozen eggs before the expiration date). How do I cook for myself, have everything I need, and not hog all the room in our very small refridgerator? (Those side-by-side refridgerators just don't have enough shelf space in my opinion.) How do I plan to cook in advance when I don't know how much energy I will have on any given day or if I will even have an appetite? I'm down to about one and a half meals a day simply because I am not hungry and I don't know what to eat when I am!
You wiser people who may read my blog, lead me! Give me advice! Tell me what to do!

:)

So, I drove to my undergrad and back for a baby shower for my dear dear friend (who is due in just over a month!). Then I grabbed Penny and we went to Petsmart to go get her food and weigh her. Guess what? In the little over a month I've had her on a diet, she's gone down about a pound! I know that's not a whole lot but getting a dog to lose weight (especially in a house where there's another dog who leaves her food lying around AND I'm training her right now) takes a long time. I'm hoping we can get her down to her proper weight soon! Maybe by summer time or sooner. I need her to lose about nine pounds to get down to 50 lbs, and now she's at 58.2!
After doing all that driving and going to petsmart, we both were exhausted. I definitely spent the past hour going in and out of sleep. I'm not letting myself sleep for good, though, until I finish the tiny assignment that's due tonight.

My energy has not been up to par at all lately and I know it's more than lack of sleep. Hopefully my appointment on Wednesday will shed some light on the situation.

I am SO JEALOUS of my family back in North Texas right now! We got record snowfall (more than ever recorded in the whole history of North Texas!) and I am stuck here. I want to see that snow and make a fort and a snowman twice my size! I want to see Penny go crazy in the snow (as much as she likes ice she is bound to have a ball in that). Ah well. I have set a friend up there with the mission of sending me a snowball. It will be interesting to see what she does!

Just because...

I think if I ever had to name a daughter after a relative, I would name her after my great great aunt Lily. Lily is famous in our family for one thing. At one point in time she was engaged to three men at once. She even had trouble keeping all the rings straight. I don't know what she was going to do about this but she didn't have to do anything, because Uncle Roy, a handsome stranger, came into that West Texas town, swept Lily off her feet, and I believe they eloped soon after! I think it would be absolutely hilarious to have a child with that kind of "how I got my name" story.

On cyber bullying

I just read one of those random posts AOL decides is important enough for us to read and lures us there with misleading headlines. It was about how mothers tend to cyber-bully other mothers, telling them what they should and should not do and berating them for choices that seem in poor taste.
I scrolled down to the comments section (always a bad choice but a morbid curiousity) and the first comment mentioned how ironic this article was posted on this blog, as the women who comment on the blog are particularly mean and ugly.
Really, people, how hard is it to remember that these screen names have fingers attached to the keyboard, fingers leading to hands and arms and brains that have emotions that FEEL and HURT. Is it merely literary exercise to berate a faceless internet screen name? I see it time and time again, people posting character judgements, eviscerating remarks, and general unkindness about the most innoculous things and it hurts ME to read them. How can people be so petty, so perverse, so unthinking and inconsiderate as to take the time out of their lives to try to hurt another person? I truly do not understand how the argument that we have a certain freedom of speech entitles me to intentionally hurt a fellow human being, regardless of their choices or the nature of their character.
Is life not difficult enough without this added stress? Is it not full of enough disappointment that we must ridicule teenage girls until they feel the only escape is suicide? And what purpose does this serve?
The internet can be used for such higher purposes than spreading hatred and ridicule. It can be used for such better reasons than to hurt our fellow man.
This week, spread love online and offline. May your days be full of laughter, and may petty differences be left alone.

Oh, children...

Today at the after school program I basically run we were watching Enchanted. This is the movie M (age 7) and C (age 10) picked out from all my Disney and Muppet movies.
At one point, Giselle tells Robert that true love's kiss is the most powerful thing in the world. Then I heard this from the kids.
M: No it's not!
C: Yeah, it's monster trucks.
Good job, boys, good job.

Would someone like to give me a reality check?

Hypothyroidism...I talked to my aunt today and she said it can take two months for the treatment to take effect. Assuming I get treatment the very day of my appointment (which will likely not happen), I will spend most of the semester feeling like this. I don't know if I can function at this level. I do NOT want to fall below full-time and lose my job, health insurance, and aid, but I also do not want to fail this semester! I have to say I am a bit frightened of the whole thing. I am taking demanding classes and I cannot afford to be like this every time we meet. And all the rest of the week.
I know that this seems small to many people but it's big to me and I wish that this had come about earlier, when I was in high school maybe, so I would be on top of the situation.
Anyway, if you are a praying person, please pray this is resolved quickly. I need to be able to do normal human things like walk uphill without having to stop and rest, be able to eat without forcing myself, stay awake and coherent in class, that sort of thing. I know it's a selfish prayer, but sometimes that's just how it is.
As usual with this late night post, things will probably look better in the morning. Still, please pray for me.