Harrumph...

I talked to my professor about switching to a thesis program. I looked it over and I'm still not sure. I'm also not sure about doing a doctoral program. My professor said a good way to decide would be to talk to other professors and ask them about their research projects. Then if anything made me shout "I MUST be a part of this research!" I should write a thesis. At this point, the only project I can think of that would be really interesting would be the peer conflict study one of my professors is working on. She's observing at the child development center and watching how the children resolve their own conflicts.
I'm just so tired right now, and I'm ready to get to my practicum so I can have some hands-on experience educating caregivers.
My next year will be very different. This summer I will take two classes. Then in the fall I have my practicum and two electives. Then when spring comes I will only have my second practicum to do. I will take two other courses to maintain full-time status so I can work as a GA still. I'm thinking about taking another metals class and a course on children's literature. Since I will have completed my other requirements, I think it should be okay. And then I'll be free to work on comps. Ah, comps.

Life is so...strange. I don't remember ever being the girl who had a different plan every week. I thought this is what college was for, not grad school! I stuck with the whole counseling almost to the very end of college, and before that I was going to be an actress on broadway for almost my entire high school career. (Miss Willow will roll her eyes at this, remembering the time she had to stand in front of my car until I calmed down on the day I finally realized that I wasn't cut out for the great white way. Thanks for that, by the way.) At the same time, I envisioned this safe place for children to come and feel loved, feel secure, feel free. And I guess this is what I'm doing. Yes, parent education is a big deal for me, but I also want to take part in an after school program, an educational outreach. I LOVE watching kids learn. Those lightbulb moments are just awesome, and then watching them get interested in something is amazing. Last week at work (I lead an after school program for a few children) we were outside and I heard a mockingbird. They didn't know that the mockingbird is the state bird of Texas (gasp!) and they didn't know anything about how a mockingbird takes the tunes of other birds or other sounds he hears (like car alarms) and reproduces them to find a mate. Then on Monday when we were on our weekly trip to the library we saw a mockingbird and one of the kids told me all he remembered about them. It was awesome.
And under the right conditions (like we actually had funding and I didn't have to pay out of pocket for any activities we chose), with more children, in an established center, where I KNEW who was going to be there every day and could actually plan activities, I would absolutely love to do something like this for quite some time. The hours are a little dumb, but I have so much fun with these kids.
I can't quite wrap my head around the prospect of being grown up. I definitely feel older than these ridiculous college kids, but I think that five years ago when I entered college I would have felt older than them. This school is so very different than my alma mater. I felt so young last summer. And I STILL feel very young. But maybe I'm feeling not quite as young as I felt last year. Progress. Not sure how I feel about it.