Software is expensive.

I had a problem with the computer. It would not access wireless.
My programmer friend said he'd take a look at it. Only fix we could find was re-installing vista. I hate vista, so why not buy Windows 7?
That's what I did.
Except I first tried to buy it online and THOUGHT I cancelled the order, but when I got my computer back and checked my email I found out that the order went through! Loverly, and their return policy is very complex. I don't yet know if they'll let me return it, so there's $150 down the drain.
He took everything I wanted off the computer, wiped it, and then put my desired items back on.
Well, except for Microsoft Word, Excel, and Power Point, Photoshop, and any other software I had to install beforehand. Crap, didn't think about that.
Thankfully, I know a website that allows students and educators to get a VERY good deal on software. Word, Excel, Power Point, Access, Outlook, and Publisher for $99. With their warranty program and rush shipping (I have to proof read a paper by Jan 4), it came out to $139, the same cost as the Windows 7 software I DIDN'T but did order. I hope they accept a screen shot of my class schedule as proof of enrollment. Now to find our Photoshop disk.
At least I have my photos and documents. I just can't see the documents yet.

I must be insane

I am breaking one of my personal school-time rules and getting a dog.
You will all meet Penny shortly.

Merry Christmas!

I realize that technically Christmas has been over for about two hours, but I hope you all had a merry Christmas (or a happy one, whatever). My family and I had a very relaxing (for the most part), laid back day at home with just us, followed by a viewing of Sherlock Holmes, which I liked very much.
My best gift hands down was my power drill and circular saw with a bunch of drill bits. I know I sound like such a guy every Christmas, last year it was tinsnips. However, I have noticed quite a few times this year when a drill would have been nice (like when I had to wait two weeks for my uncle to hang up my wall desk because I didn't have one) and now if I have the odd desire to build something, I can! I've moved to a house with a garage from my apartment, so I could really and truly build something. Hello, creative outlet! I told my mom how I felt rather masculine and she said "No! You are a liberated woman! Independent!" To which I sang "W-O-M-A-N!"
I can be totally feminine and totally competent at a non-traditional female role (such as working with power tools). Why is it I am just now realizing this considering I was raised in an egalitarian home?

Home at last...

...and quarantined in my room because my allergies have already caused my right eye to swell up (always my right eye...) and my face to itch all over. Kapu and Bob get a bath TOMORROW!
Also partly because my family has passed an undefined illness around for the past couple weeks.
Welcome home, Kate!

Oh sticky tack, we used to be friends...

Sticky tack stains sheetrock. I guess I forgot that when I used it to hang all but three things on my walls. I've tried using DAWN to get it off but now I have blue dawn spots on my walls. I've heard of using a cornstarch paste to take it off, so I will try that next, but I may just have to end up painting over it.
Dumb apartment. Dumb sticky tack. Dumb sheetrock.
Hmph.
If anyone has a suggestion please let me know! This apartment didn't have a security deposit so they'll just charge me afterwards for anything they have to do and I'm afraid of them taking advantage of me!

I'm done.

It's done. I did it. I made it.
Now I have to pack, move, and clean. Then I get to go home.

Just hold on until Saturday

I have an exam tomorrow, a final paper due midnight Thursday, a lit review due Friday and a final that same day and time. Then I am done with my first semester of graduate school. I just have to buckle down.
Then, I get to move out of my apartment and into a house and set it up (I have to be completely out by noon on the 18th), then a graduation party, then HOME! Then Christmas! Then a reception for some friends who got married (Two hours away and on January 1st, no less!). Then I don't have class until January 20th. Likely the longest winter break I've ever had.
I have so much to do, and I'm really worried it won't be finished in time, but at the same time I keep reminding myself that for good or ill it will all be over by Saturday.

My favorite book

I read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens every year (at least I try very hard to!). I got an early start because I only have snippets of time to read during the semester. I am so thankful that this book was free on the iPhone, else I would have to look everywhere to dredge up a copy (I left mine at home!).
I forget throughout the course of the year just how brilliantly written this is. Yes, the plot is amazing as well, but I gather new nuances into Scrooge's character every year, new imagery (Ghost of Christmas Past...I hardly knew ye!), new insight into this beloved (and over-told) story.
I have parts of this book memorized. Not large parts, but lines nonetheless. I think this is due in part to my childhood (well...not so much childhood as lifelong) obsesion with A Muppet Christmas Carol, to my knowledge the most faithful adaptation of the story, down to Belle (as her husband in another scene calls her) leaving Scrooge. So many stage renditions I've seen give her an angry disposition, some extreme passion, sobbing, yelling. Dickens paints the picture of a woman who is tired, so very tired, of sitting by watching her beloved change, to watch his gaze turn from her to a golden idol. He describes her as "looking mildly, but with steadiness upon him" she is decided. She is not jealous, she is not angry, she is tired. And she knows what must be done.
The next scene shows her approximately seven years before the fateful Christmas Ebenezer goes on his journey through the past, present and future (her husband describes Marley as close to death and earlier in the book Scrooge explains his partner died seven years ago that very Christmas Eve night). The room is so full of children running around causing mischeif, and her daughter is the very picture of what a father would hope to have. She is so very happy, and without Scrooge. This, not the memory of being lonely in the schoolhouse, not the memory of seeing his dearly departed sister nor the memory of his loss of Belle, seeing this is what causes Scrooge to be overcome, seeing how happy he could have been is what causes him to physically struggle with the ghost the ghost of HIS past (symbolism? imagery? both???) and put the cap upon his head in an attempt to drown out the light.

"He turned upon the Ghost, and seeing that it looked upon him with a face, in which in some strange way there were fragments of all the faces it had shown him, wrestled with it.
" ' Leave me! Take me back. Haunt me no longer!'
"In the struggle, if that can be called a struggle in which the Ghost with no visible resistance on its own part was undisturbed by any effort of its adversary, Scrooge observed that its light was burning high and bright; and dimly connecting that with its influence over him, he seized the extinguisher-cap, and by a sudden action pressed it down upon its head."

I love this book. Give it a revisit this season if you have a mind to.

**Edit**
While searching for some information about the life of Dickens as he wrote this book (in six weeks, no less) I came across his original manuscript as archived and annotated by the New York Times. I love seeing the way authors change their works over time! It gives me hope that my book will not be as abysmal as it currently appears!

Paparrazi...papa, paparrazi...

Today I was walking through the quad wearing my gloves, trench coat, and a scarf over my ears and around my neck because it was what we in Texas call "cold." I'm sure my Canadian readers (all two of them) will laugh at my gear for 45 F weather, but in my defense it was windy and I suffer from raynaud's phenomenon.
Anyway, whilst walking across the quad, with my coat flapping in the wind that was blasting right at me, I happened to notice a woman stop about twelve feet away from me, pull out a disposable camera, and snap a picture of me. I was definitely making a "what the heck, lady" face when the flash popped. Then the guy she was with nudged her along and they walked off.

Why? Why randomly snap my picture? Surely it couldn't have been a very flattering one. And could you at least have the decency to be sneaky about it?

This town is so weird...

Nearing the end...

Two papers this week.
Two summary papers next week.
Also a comprehensive exam in essay form next week
Also two final exams next week
Also a ten page literature review next week.
And then I can go home.

.

I hate feeling weird and not knowing the reason behind it.
I also hate that my mom, the woman I have come to all my life for help with any problem but especially medical concerns, is of no use after 9 pm because she takes her meds then.
I also really hate lupus and what it does to her. It takes her away from us in more ways than I would have imagined when she was diagnosed four years ago.
Lupus is a faceless disease and especially in the midst of all the Susan G Comen foundation it gets no press and therefore fewer research dollars. According to The Lupus Foundation of America, approximately 1.5 million Americans have some form of Lupus.
As with most autoimmune diseases, the cause of Lupus is not known. It is believed that there is a genetic predisposition that only exhibits as the illness when exposed to certain triggers. Obviously more research is needed in this area. If you're looking to support a cause with your Christmas money, go to The Lupus Foundation of America's website.
Ironically enough, there's a walk for lupus, but it's during the day, which means that those suffering from the illness who are light sensitive (my mom can't spend too much time in ANY light) cannot participate.

On grad school

Tired. Always tired.
Lots of work. Little time.
Lots of time, really, too tired to take advantage.
Lonely
Miss home
Miss family
Miss friends
Yes child life specialist? No child life specialist?
Not for profit org. work? Which one?
Just want to play with kids.
And tell stories.
And conduct research.
And teach parents.
And play.
And do plays.
And dance.
Career?
Paper? Work. Work? Tired. So tired.
Hiking? no.
Take over my lease? Please?
Drunken room mates.
Room mate and boyfriend fight outside my door.
House open.
PLEASE take over my lease!
My favorite socks are broken. They are older than me.

Can short girls be funny?

Hey all! I should be doing this one last assignment (and I WILL) but first I have a thought.
As anyone who's read my blog for a while knows, I am a huge fan of Carol Burnett. I love the idea that women can do physical, oddball comedy along with being witty. I would absolutely love to emulate this style of comedy were I ever to get the chance to do something on stage again (I hope soon! Not until after grad school of course). The thing is, I am 4'11 1/2" and Carol Burnett is 5' 6 1/2" (if IMDB is to be believed...I thought she was taller). Carol can do this wonderful falling on her face comedy and people laugh. Even though I have long enough limbs to have the appearance of being tall with no other visual reference nearby, I think the same type of comedy may not translate to someone as small as me. If a tall person falls all over herself, tripping over giraffe-like limbs, it's hilarious. But if a small person falls, people tend to go "oooh! is she alright?" Is this a fair assumption?

So what's a short person to do? Am I stuck with witty one-liners? Do I not get to do physical comedy at all? Or would I just have to stick with visual short jokes (Imagine, I appear at the top of a staircase in a flowing ballgown. On the opposite side of the stage my partner appears, dapper in his tux and tails. We float down the stairs and meet centerstage to waltz together, my face buried in his stomach.) Do any of you have knowledge of petite comediennes who were successful in making physical comedy part of their act?

Whhhaaat???

I had absolutely no interest in Disney's new feature "The Princess and the Frog." I have fallen out of love with Disney animated features that have become less cinematographically pleasing, less about art, less about plot, and more about pumping out sequels in a high volume so as to capitolize on previous success (I'm looking at you, Cinderella 2 and 3!).
HOWEVER, I have since learned that The Princess and the Frog is
hand-animated! Hand-drawn! None of this "let's make it perfect with computers" junk. Personal. Art-filled. Some of the stills I have seen do not yet convince me that it's as artistic as the predecessors the backgrounds are based on (namely "Bambi" and "Lady and the Tramp"), but I hope that I am pleasantly surprised.
Honestly I'd be interested to see what this new batch of animators would do with backgrounds like the beautiful 101 Dalmations. Or the tapestry-inspired backgrounds of Sleeping Beauty. Thanks, Disney, for remembering that ART has a place in your movies. Please don't forget it for another ten years.

life

Yesterday in class my professor gave us a demonstration (using yours truly as a volunteer) on the magic glove technique, which uses a form of guided imagery and relaxation to reduce pain in blood draws, IV sticks, etc. It was really amazing. Apparently my hands were different colors when it was going on, which I guess means a difference in blood flow. She tested the back of her earring on my hands, and I barely felt it on my 'magic glove' hand, but definitely felt it on my other hand! It worked so much better than guided imagery experiences I'd had before, even in a class full of people crowding around to see it happen!

So much is piling up and I am just hoping to stay on top. I definitely cannot allow any of this to take me over. I am trying to take my assignments one step at a time and not get so overwhelmed that I'm of no use to anyone. I'm trying to just avoid personal problems that I cannot fix and get out of the situation as quickly as possible. I'm a bit afraid of how crazy things are going to be until the end of the semester but I know that making it through will be a testament for me that I can do things that are difficult.
And it is amazing to me that when I get so lost in what I'm doing, something pops up and reminds me how much I'm going to love my job when all is done. I think it'll be harder than anything I've experienced, but also it'll be so rewarding.

Things are getting hard for me on a personal level, in a couple of aspects of my life. I have possible opportunities to escape both of them, so please be in prayer about that.

On a sort of lighter note, a random guy friended me on facebook and started talking to me last night. Just in case any men are reading this at all, here's a top ten list of things NOT to do when you first talk to a girl, when you approach, and she feels you might be a bit creepy so is on the defensive.
10. Do not have only six pictures on your profile, all of them showing off your disgustingly molded muscular body-builder features. (It's like red flag number one for me.)
9. Do not call the girl you're talking to: an actress, a cynic, or a man-hater, simply because she may be being rude to the creepy muscle man who is talking to her out of the blue.
8. In trying to prove your motives are pure, don't throw scripture at her, misinterpret it, and then tell her that as a Christian she is obligated to trust you. (I'm still trying to figure out how that works.)
7. Do not call her out for judging you while refusing to admit you are judging her as well.
6. DO NOT ask her what's wrong with her when you find out she is 23 and has never been on a date (and I quote: "why not? You're cute, have a nice build, and seem interesting, so why hasn't anyone asked you out?")
5. When she lets on that she's getting a creepy vibe from you, don't take that as a signal to ask how far she's gone with a guy.
4. While calling her out on judging you, keep in mind the liberal dose of self-worship that's going on on your profile. And the fact that hot girls make up the majority of your friends on facebook.
3. When you find out that she's held hands with a "boyfriend" she had for a tiny amount of time in the seventh grade and that's it, do not say (quoting again) "Wow, I know only two other girls like you, and you're the only one under 300 pounds." (compliment city, my friends)
2. When you ask her about politics and she's appeared to be a strong, independent, and in this case combative woman so far, expect her to take the opposite viewpoint to yours. Especially when you argue your case so poorly. And don't extrapolate something like a historical reference without a source to back it up. Seriously. Momma didn't raise no fool.
1. When a girl asks you why you friend requested her in the first place and you say "I was interested in you" please be more specific. From chiseled muscle men like you, every word sounds like a come-on. (and please, COME ON!)

Seriously, I don't know why I kept talking to him. It was like a car wreck that I was participating in and could not stop watching at the same time. I dealt with this guy for probably close to three hours and it only stopped because I thought he blocked me. He didn't I guess, but I de-friended him this morning. Dudes, don't expect every Christian to be as conservative as you, and don't basically call them idiots or the devil if they take a more moderate, middle-of-the-road, everything-is-not-all-black-and-white stance. And don't you DARE judge my faith based on my suspicious reaction to a creeper who pops up on facebook chat. I think it can bring out the worst in all of us. And if you're going to ask a question or make an argument, MAKE SENSE! Gaaah!

To end it all, I had a very strange dream last night: I gave birth to a little girl, but when I woke up that next day, she had grown to be a toddler, and then an hour later she was a teenager, and then minutes later she was a grown woman my age (who looked like me but not like me). I was so scared that someone would come in and think I had done something to my baby when really she was sitting right next to me! The novelty of the dream made all the past day's interactions sound as ridiculous then as they are now, though when I went to sleep I was absolutely furious.

the results

The Halloween party at the children's hospital was wonderful. I left my camera in the car because I didn't think it was okay to take the patients' photos (they had all signed photo releases it turns out, but I still think leaving the camera was a good idea). I spent the majority of the time wheeling around a nonresponsive child and trick-or-treating for her. Nonresponsive children make me so sad, with their blank faces, refusing to react to anything (though I DID hear a laugh when we went down the elevator).

The fairy costume was a BIG hit, one person even told me later he didn't remember any other costumes except mine. And that sounds really conceited...but I put a LOT of work into this costume and I'm proud of it.

I know it's vain...but I really love the way this costume turned out...and the way the makeup made me look.

Here's how I had the makeup at the beginning of the morning. And here's the whole costume. Forgive the presumed artsyness and the bathroom setting...I'm a bit contained in my photoshoot choice.

New favorite photo of me ever...and that's RARE, that I ever like a photo of me.

Happy Halloween. I'm spending it at the Texas Book Festival.

It's hard being a fairy...

So on Sunday I went to the store and got just about anything purple in terms of makeup (I like purple, it's versatile, and it looks good on me, therefore, purple fairy I shall be). I tried several different possible makeup and hair combinations and wasn't truly happy with any of them. So, what did I do but post them on facebook, tagging a few of my makeup-expert and stage-expert friends, thinking surely they would give me good pointers. And hey, I'd be fine with constructive input so long as they said something along the lines of 'here's what I like, here's what I don't like, here's how it could be better' (not even that order, it could be any order).

I posted those last night, and some of those photos have as many as 23 comments.

Friends, readers, do you want to know something? I had a mom explaining to me that look one was wonderful, don't change a thing, but look two was tooooooo scary. Then I had a friend tell me that look two was wonderful, don't change a thing, but look one was WAY too scary. Back and forth...so I did another look, borrowing a little from a tutorial on youtube that I've now forgotten, and another person said they preferred this one, that it wasn't too scary. Then someone else who was tagged by a different friend as a joke said that they were all scary, but wasn't that the point?

Anyway, I have four looks now and here they are:

Look one: butterfly fairy Kate

(A mom said this was great, and then a friend said it was scary.)


Look Two: horns? spikes? wings? Yeah, a lot of people liked this one (including my room mates) but I have to say it's kind of frightening. Maybe if I was going to be a different kind of fairy...and not one that helps children in a hospital get ready to trick-or-treat, I'd modify it a bit.

Look three: downplayed fairy (for a fairy day job I suppose). A lot of people liked this one, and it's actually the one I modified from a youtube video, it's just not enough to me, I want to go all out! (Sidenote, wearing my dad's old youth service fund shirt that's probably about 30 now. My favorite shirt and I can't wear it anywhere because it's so see-through!)

Look Four: we have a winner! I like this because I still have color in my cheeks (and on my nose, I put soem blush on the very end so it was rosy), my eyes still are outlined in purple and kind of wing-ish, and my lips are purple (and they'll probably be purpler than this) but not oh-dear-God-she-must-have-drowned purple. And the eyebrows are defined enough to let me be really expressive and clown around with the kids. I've not decided if this fairy will speak or be mute. I have been a mute fairy before and I always ended up talking. We'll see what the kids need. I think I might try mute again, because it's fun.

Look how expressive I am!

The only fabric store in town was closed Sunday and closed when I got out of class today, so Tuesday I am storming it and making my costume. Lots of tulle will be involved. Maybe I'll get ambitious and sew in a top, or maybe I'll just modify a t-shirt (which seems more likely to be honest), I haven't decided yet.

Well, what do you think?

So....grad school

Grad school is hard. Especially when you live in an apartment complex full of crazy undergrads who attend a school known for being partial to partying. Especially when you suddenly fall ill the week of midterms and cannot even look at a computer screen without vertigo. Especially when your room mates are loud at odd times. Especially when you have to get something done, even if you CAN'T look at a computer screen. Especially when your targeted research has no prior work done. Especially when you don't have time to cook for yourself but cannot justify eating out all the time.
I need a break...one that includes the whole school, not just me being so sick I can't stay out of bed for more than three hours!
No, I don't know what I have/had. Symptoms are mostly gone except for some congestion (which is nothing compared to older sinus infections...thank you so much, balloon sinuplasty!) and a looot of fatigue and dizziness. I took the bus home today and watching the cars pass by on the street made me carsick!
Pray that I get all of this done. I'm losing steam.

it's gonna be awesome

This year I am volunteering at the children's hospital for the halloween party. You know what that means, right?
I GET TO GO CRAZY WITH THE COSTUME!

I puzzled for quite some time. I've been a ballerina for the past two years just using one of my old dance costumes, but it's a little too tight for the specifications.
I've decided to be a fairy because I'll get to have some fun makeup and hair. I'm going to sew a knee length tutu (my first ever) out of shimmery tulle, have some wings and a tiara, though I'm not sure what to use as a top! Tank tops seem perfect for this but I don't know if their dress code will find it "too revealing."
And of course, ballet flats and some colorful tights will seal the deal...perhaps with some of my jewelry or something...and of course a lot of glitter!
It's in a few weeks so just stay tuned!

Fun with monster hands

These are the best things ever.

Thank you, Monster Hands, you are amazing. These guys came all the way from England to give me and my friend some giggles.

where IS the internet?

Just a quick post...I'm trying to finish this assignment tonight so I can go home and actually ENJOY the weekend. They're so short!
Today I got home from work and the internet was down. I need the internet for this assignment (heck I need the internet to even TURN IN this assignment!) and this is the day they decide to change providers...without telling us the internet will be gone. My room mate and I went to the library but they closed at midnight and I, being the kindhearted person I am, let her use my computer to write her paper while I frantically tried to finish the reading assignments. The library closed before I could really search any articles, so basically that was a bit of a pointless outing. And now here I am back at the apartment, and voila! The internet is BACK! I don't have to pack up and go to Ihop now!
This whole debacle made me think of a time in my undergrad when one of my favorite professors was talking about, oh I don't know what, but then he said "My daughter once asked me 'Dad, where is the internet?'" looking up as if expecting it to appear at any second, he replied "I don't know...." I wish I could explain how old-man-cute he was, it just makes everything he says so wonderful.
Off to read and write.
Kate

Celebrate small victories

I have so much to do still. I have an article analysis due a week from today (also my birthday!) and another one due this Wendesday, and before all that, I have one of those seemingly easy but actually rather time consuming discussion questions due by five on Monday. But you know what? I FINISHED AND TURNED IN my discussion question that was due today by midnight a full fifteen minutes ago. That's right, I turned something in early! And I'm going to celebrate by finding a coke. Or a Dr. Pepper. Because I really really want one.

Nothing like the Muppets on a sad evening.

Good morning!

Bit-o-honey and chai tea, a good morning.

I make myself get up and actually HAVE a morning on Tuesdays and Thursdays, even though I don't have to get on the bus until about 11:20.



I love Teddy Tedholm. I'm excited to see him on SYTYCD this season! I only saw the little blurb teaser they did one Thursday, but I hope he makes it further!

Oh, and also, I love Carol Burnett...

New Favorite

I'm going home for the weekend! I get to see my familia!

It's actually much louder than it appears

A twelve month lease? Why did I do a place that only does twelve month leases?

Crazy life...

Hey all, just a quick update before I get ready for bed (an hour past my bedtime!). Grad school's going alright, I have discovered that the bars are not for me (allergic to smoke and started falling asleep at midnight). Made friends with some people at church and that's good. All my textbooks are in, I think, and that's good. Finally got a mattress pad and my pictures came in (and are on the wall) and that's good. I just have a lot of studying to do so I know I'm ready for the week. And that's alright.

The moon was so cool last night. Look at the halo!
Oh, and this song is stuck in my head.

Okay, help!

Alright, so I know my room is missing something, and a lot of the wallspace is blank. I have decided to print up a few of my photos and put them on the wall. Here is where you come in: I have (rather obsessively at this point I think) made mock-ups on photoshop of how these would look. Here they are for your viewing enjoyment! Help me pick, please!

Here is the TV area with the sunflower: Here is the TV area with the leaves and cement photo: Here is the desk area with the sunflower photo: Here is the desk area with the leaves and cement photo:Here is the wall with my long exposure photos:

What do you think? I also may print up the pictures I've saved from the many weeks of Feed Your Soul and put them on this wall.

Yaay for buses!

My apartment is off-campus and the campus bus route stops right at the complex. Then I get to ride a nice, air-conditioned bus all the way to the center of campus and either wait for the other bus to take me to my building (hasn't worked out yet) or walk about ten minutes uphill to get there.
Today after work (in the same building) I rode the bus to south campus, walked to Chipotle for some burrito-y goodness, then walked across to the bus stop by the park. But it was such a pretty day and the trash can smelled so bad that I decided to walk across the park. The river's very low right now but we got some rain last night and I saw a few storm clouds, so maybe it'll come back up.
By the time I got across to the other side of the park, I was getting very tired. And I saw another bus stop. Awesome, right? The wrong bus line supposedly came through but I decided to wait anyway. Well, what should show up but my very own bus that goes straight to my apartment? A good day. Yes.

Settling in

Hello all! It's been awhile, I know. I was busy moving in and setting up.
That's right, I'm here! My room is very nice but the walls look a bit lonely. I think my posters are too small and I need a bookshelf (like a real standalone bookshelf). Something is missing, some sort of homey touch I had in my other rooms that I can't put my finger on right now. All in good time.
I got a graduate assistantship and I start that tomorrow at 10:30! I'm currently frustrated with the residents of the apartment building that decided to pick up a game of volleyball right outside my room at 11:30. I'll be glad when they're gone. I'm already tired and plan to finish getting ready for bed after I post.
Hmm, it seems they've stopped. Perfect time for finishing things up. Goodnight, all!

muahahahhaha...teehee

Do you ever get so excited about a project that the only appropriate form of expression is a maniacal laugh and rubbing your hands together? Yes. I'm picking up my knitting needles and it involves entrelac (well, garterlac)!!! Excitement!
Also, I got a graduate assistantship. I'm so excited to research with these people!
Also, I move in to my apartment and new life in about three days. Umm...not exactly ready...I have a lot left to pack, but then not a lot left to pack. A lot of it is just big bulky stuff that I can't really move until we want to put it in the car.
Oh, 365 is going strong. If you want to check it out go to the "cranberriesandcheese on flickr" link on the right.

Commence panic sequence in t-minus 10...9...

Okay. I leave on Friday to move in. Great. I have the week to pack, right?
WRONG! I got a call today about an interview for a graduate assistantship. I have anticipated this call for about three weeks now. My interview is Tuesday, and school is far enough away that I'm driving down Monday and staying overnight so I can be fresh and not travel-worn. So that's at least a day and a half out of my packing time. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad this is happening...but oh my gosh I feel so unprepared! And I can't seem to bring myself to get stuff together like I could for college. I also have to clean out my car and buy a few more supplies and finish building my computer desk...I am stressed. And for no reason. As long as I have clothes and school supplies and maybe something to eat off of, I should be fine. Really. And I can come home and bring things back. It's not as if I'm packing for a quest and can never turn back.

Umm...when did this happen?

I leave to move in to my new apartment in ten days. Ten days! How did this happen? I feel so unprepared! I mean, I guess I can just grab the textbooks I feel I may need, get my bike ready (which may involve bringing it out of the garage, letting my dad see its sorry state, and going hunting for another one. Someone piled a bunch of stuff on top of it in the garage and I'll be surprised if the tires aren't mouse-eaten), throw the clothes I currently wear in a bag, and then get the rest of the stuff I've already packed. I know where I'm going to put my movies so I can just pile them in there a few days before. I feel like a kid whose parents have talked to about going to the doctor. They explained everything. They read books. They answered questions. They did medical play. They endured weeks of conversation. And now as they're walking to the office, the kid digs in her heels and starts screaming. I'm not sure that I'm ready yet. But will I ever be?

On another note, I've started a 365 project. If you want to be kept abreast of my daily doings, you can check my flickr page (facebook friends, I'm posting it there, too!).

Is there a way to transcribe a wonderfully happy smile?

I wish I had a song or a picture to explain how I feel right now, but happy/excited/anticipating/sad to leave things behind/scared to do something new is hard to put in a search box.
Today I started looking around at different hospitals and their practicums and internships for Child Life. I even watched a video interview with a retiring director of child life at a children's hospital in Boston. Suddenly it hit me that this is what I'm going to get to do for the rest of my life! Forgive me for my lack of verbosity when I say that I am so totally psyched about this! I LOVE kids and I LOVE playing with them and the thought of helping them cope with being in the hospital and all that comes with it. Growing up I followed Mom around the children's hospital where she worked all the time (they didn't have a daycare center yet. no laws were broken, I assure you!) and when she went to work elsewhere, I missed the atmosphere. I know that sounds strange, but for me the hospital was a place filled with friendly doctors and nurses who want to help people feel better. I get to be one of those friendly people: a child life specialist!
I'm still a bit reluctant to leave, but I finally had that moment of getting really, really excited. I'm so ready!
I move in to my new apartment August 22, and my classes start August 26. I'm starting to get thrilled! I have so much to do, but I'm getting closer to ready!

I needed today. And I'm glad that it happened.
Now for an unrelated but currently obsessed-with dance and song, choreographed by the utterly amazing Emily Shock.

Desk revisited.

You may remember my recent post ondesk organization featuring the Ikea PS Laptop Workstation. Well, Dad checked it out and it was really kind of wobbly and not all that great. To spend $65 on something that wasn't exactly what I want (I much prefer wood), we decided to try to make our own.
We fretted and planned and decided on a unit about 18" tall and 20" wide. We still wanted to have a separate shelf to hold a power strip, so we left that in. But I couldn't figure out what exactly I would put on those side shelves if I was just using this for a laptop holder, so we were able to take a lot of size off of this thing. We made it about 6" deep instead of the 7.45" of the Ikea model.
We bought this beautiful birch plywood and currently have the box finished. We simply have the two doors, shelf, and some staining to do and we'll have a customized laptop desk! I'm really excited about it, though I'm still not sure how the hinges Dad got will work. He's tried to explain it to me but I guess he'll just have to show me. I was picturing something more along the lines of a simple door hinge but he got something else that was rather strange. I still can't understand the way he explained it. We're better at visual explanations.
Pictures to come!

Oh also, I had my colonoscopy today. Not something I'd like to revisit. I should get my results sometime next week. Mom got really angry because the doctor wouldn't give us anything for nausea to call in to the pharmacy before I woke up, even though we have a long history of not doing well with anaesthesia. On the bright side I only threw up once! The best quote of the day, though, was when they gave me my glasses back in a biohazard bag. I kept saying "my glasses are a biohazard!" I don't remember saying this because they put an amnesiac in my IV, but apparently I was a real cut-up under the influence. I hope tomorrow to be settled enough in the stomach to indulge in the Chick-Fil-A sandwich I've been craving since my prep began on Thursday (is there anything more boring than a clear-liquid diet? I mean, come on!).

Also, if anyone has a real killer cheese cracker recipe, I would love it if you shared it with me! I've been craving that, as well. Mmm...and a milkshake. Sigh...my poor tummy is so small for all the food it wants!

When Youtube Just Doesn't Understand

I know I've talked about Emily Shock and her amazing choreography before. She had a youtube channel with hundreds of beautiful videos of meaningful dancing that wasn't simply moving to the beat but moving to the music, that was THOUGHTFUL choreography. I marked many of her videos as favorites and would watch them when I was having a bad day, thinking about someday soon when I'll have just enough floorspace again to dance without fear of tripping or having someone look on.
Youtube has recently put a major crackdown on music in their videos. Often they mute the entire thing and show the video soundless. I can deal with that I guess, kind of devastating considering Shock's amazing musicality. But now Youtube has apparently had enough of Ms. Shock (and not, surprisingly, of several other dance channels) and has suspended her account.

I was shocked. At least a year and a half of videos are gone. It must have felt like a punch in the gut to her. I did some scrounging around on Youtube and found a few of her videos, but none of her routine to "18th Floor Balcony" or "Near to You" which are really my favorites.
I found another account of hers and there were several comments along the lines of "why did they do this?" and "don't they know your videos get me through the day sometimes?" It was like a huge online community of dancers felt this loss.

I understand completely about licensing agreements and royalties and rights and whatnot, but here's the deal: I had never heard 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October before I found that routine. I fell in love with that song. As soon as I got an iTunes gift card I bought that song straight away. I'm planning on doing the same thing with Near To You by Fine Frenzy. I had not heard that song nor felt an emotional connection until I saw the routine. Dance is an EXCELLENT advertisement because when choreographed correctly, it can make the viewer so connected to the song that they feel they must buy it. So I don't understand how these music companies haven't struck a deal with Youtube that allows their songs to be played when under certain circumstances (maybe even allowing for a partnership with itunes? I've seen a few advertisments from them saying 'buy this song!') and call it advertisement.
I know policing the music on youtube is so complicated that it might work better to just blanket cut all music from youtube...but then what's the point?

I know to people who don't have a strong connection to dance this may sound a bit pathetic, but I feel strongly the loss of those routines. They had...I guess the word would be cathartic...they had a cathartic effect on me and now they're gone. And youtube just doesn't understand.

I'll post about apartment stuff next time, I promise. :)

:)

It is now 2:14 AM. It has been raining since 1:20 AM. My dog Kapu is asleep with his head in my lap. He is afraid of the storm.
When it rains at home, I have to open my bedroom door so that the dogs can lay down in the hall and see that it's alright, I'm here.
This evening when my mother and I watched the news, we saw that there would be a slight chance of rain over the weekend but not much. "I wish it would rain HERE" she said.
She got her wish!

shopping day!

Today I took one of my very best pals in tow all over the county in the few hours we had until my ceramics class (yes, art fans, I'll show pictures of a project as soon as I can remember to take my camera to class! I'm afraid that some of mine might be in danger of blowing up in the kiln).

First, the Container Store. I love this store so much. My dad used to take us there as a special treat after a trip to the dentist. Maybe we went there on useful trips, but all I remember is looking at all the stickers and gift wrapping accessories and kitchen gadgets.
I came back with the "hide 'n' sink" under the sink caddy by Umbra. I used the picture from the Umbra website because the one from Container Store is a bit bland.

I must say that I got a bit overexcited at the thought of having a place to put my hair dryer so it doesn't get all mixed up with everything. Currently my dryer lives on the floor of my bathroom or wherever I can find a place. It was on sale for about five dollars off and I figured it would work well enough to keep my hair dryer from gettng wet and stop me from dropping it on my toe when it falls out of my cabinet. My hair dryer is heavy (and not exactly top of the line either...a nicer one would be good someday).

I also came away with the Conceal Book Shelf by Umbra again. I like the clean line of just the books without the shelf. I'm hoping to put my text books on there but it only holds up 20 pounds. I'm still trying to figure out how I can keep the books off my floor. I don't want to bring in any other furniture and wall space is becoming a premium. If this works out, I'll get its smaller cousin for the few personal books I bring. Either that or I'll use my camp trunk to hold all my extra books and slide it under the bed. I guess I could mount a shelf along the ceiling but again, that's a lot of bolt holes to plug when I move out. Also my height difference would make a high shelf kind of a joke. I am hoping to bring my old psych textbooks just in case they prove useful in my papers.

"But Kate," you ask, "What about the other items you posted? What did you decide about them?"

Well, I'll tell you! The wall pocket only held one of the file folders I'm considering so it was an easy out. The file folders I decided to wait on and see if I could get them on sale. What luck that when I checked out my friend and I got 15% off coupons if we order online and pick up the item in store! I know fifteen per cent isn't much, but I'm hoping to be able to get things on sale or discounted so I don't end up spending hundreds of extraneous dollars on my move to grad school.

I'm also in search right now of a shadow box/keepsake box large enough for my shelf gargoyles. You can find all three of them on my flickr site. I'm hoping to mount a piece of wood on the back of the box to look like the ledge of a building and have them all sitting on it like proper gargoyles.

I don't know, though, I may mount them individually. The first one really is my favorite; I just don't think I got the wings right on the other two.

Gargoyles are fun to make. Why not try creating some of your own? (Go! Now! I want to see your stonerrific creations!)

Organization-Desk

Alright, here goes.

In the past I've had trouble because desks I've had placed me on the left side with extra space on the right. This works well for people who are right handed. They can type on their laptop and then move their hand over to write a note. However, I am left-handed. This usually meant I would have my laptop open on the desk and then anything else I was using in my lap. Or I'd move to the floor and have everything spread out all over the place. Ask any of my friends who came into my dorm while I was writing a paper (especially for Baptist History...documents all OVER the place). They would come in and find me, hair in a messy ponytail (or some strange assortment of braids), scared look on my face, total fatigue, scrambling to find the study I need.

No more.

First, my laptop will no longer go on my desk. We are going to put it in its own fold down desk mounted to the wall. This one is from Ikea . It is the PS Laptop Workstation and Dad's going to check it out while he's near the store.

These next few items come from The Container Store.

This is a file folder that cascades when hung on a hook. This way you can easily see everything you're dealing with. There's this option and a simpler rainbow colored one that I believe doesn't have a calendar. I can't decide between the two until I see them and the cost is the same. I'm thinking I'll get one for each class or perhaps one master file for all the studies I print off for different papers. I'm going to spend part of my remaining weeks here finding the studies I already ordered in my undergrad so I can use them if need be. I'll need everything in my arsenal for the research class I have to take in the fall.

This is one of their wall pockets. I'm hoping they'll be big enough to hold my file folders. If not, then I don't know that I'll have a use for them. These are made of canvas and will help me get things off the floor and the surface of my desk. I also have a desk organizer (what are they called?) with two spaces for paper and three compartments in the front for pencils, pens, what have you. I got this at Ross the summer before I left for school, and I think I'll put mail in it (in and outbox).

This way, hopefully, my desk can stay clear and be available for reading. Clutter is the enemy of my brain functioning.

Organization-Time Management

Alright, I guess I'll start with the very first thing I was worried about: time management.
If you check the timestamp for this blog and note that I have to be at work in seven and a half hours, you can see that this is an area I lack discipline in. During my undergrad I was often behind on something or unprepared for something else. Also, not sticking to a strict bedtime leaves me drowsy and sluggish and altogether imbecilic.
I know that for my time in grad school I MUST work to keep myself organized and manage my time. If I don't get enough sleep, I won't be worth anything in any one of my classes. It's amazing to me that I functioned at all in school considering the level of sleep I lacked. It only makes me optimistic about the potential I may have on a full night's rest.
Enter the Payne Publisher Academic Time Master Time Management System. Looks normal, right? A basic planner. BUT LOOK! Each week is laid out at a glance on one page. ALL SEVEN DAYS are listed, whereas most planners like this leave out Sunday completely (and honestly, Sunday is often a day I use for homework). The top column has the goals for the day and then there is an hourly schedule from 7 AM to 7 PM. At the far end there is a column for goals for the week.Then there is a monthly planning calendar for each month and a yearly planning calendar as well. I've been pretty good at keeping a calendar so far so perhaps this will work for me!
Also, my mom was cleaning out closets in her office and found a large markerboard for four month planning. It's a bit of an eyesore right now but maybe it will fit in once it's on the wall. If not I'll figure out how to beautify it! It has one of those ugly gray plastic rounded corner borders. We'll see. It's growing on me, I think. It will definitely serve my purposes as far as making sure I read/researc/write on a schedule. Primary in importance for this will be making sure I get enough sleep.
Next post: Organization-Desk!

Pre-nesting

Whenever I'm about to move to a new place (new dorm room was really the only experience I had with that) I get really excited about planning. REALLY EXCITED.

And living in my own dorm room with no room mate for three semesters really gave me a chance to see just how much I could make of big, white walls, small space, and what I had. It is a deep source of regret on my part that I did not photograph my dorm room from my senior year in college. I think I had the best room in the whole building. My windows faced south and west (yes, windows on TWO WALLS) and my bed was in a perfect little pocket next to the A/C unit, my papasan chair fit perfectly, and it was all well-lit by three beautiful lamps. When it was clean and all in order, it was such a haven. My girls came in at the beginning of the year and said 'Oh! This is so beautiful! It looks like an apartment!' I DO have pictures of my first dorm room I had all by myself (and I was quite proud of the arrangement). Someday I will take you through the "Room Tours by Rufus" that I put together for a friend away at the Disney College Program (where she met her now husband!).

I'm hoping to recreate that effect with my apartment room. The trouble is that now I have to work with a larger bed (a full size instead of twin) and I haven't seen the space. In fact, the only thing I have to go on is the apartment's layout on the website. Soooo....being the incredibly industrious woman I am, I took a screen shot of the layout, copied it into paint, and rearranged the furniture conveniently arranged in the original layout. I got quite my favorite room in all of the layouts because my closet will be in the bathroom (no wet footprints on the carpet and extra wall space!) and there are two windows, one in the room and one in the bathroom. (Light! I crave natural light!) So, I have eight possible arrangements and will proceed to bore you with the details.

Internet security has reminded me that posting a blueprint of my apartment might give a bit more accessibility than I ever intended. Sooo...I'll just post my room!

This is the original layout of my room. I don't think that it provides for optimum floorspace. Plus I don't like having my desk by a window

. Imagine poor grad student Kate sitting at her desk watching the undergrads play sand volleyball or swim in the pool or play basketball. I don't know which one I'd see from my window, but it makes me sad to think I'd see that and the green trees and everything while trying to focus on child development. Or worse, research. That class will kick my butt this year!

This next one has the bed by the window. Much better. Problem: bathroom door looks like it won't open all the way with the dresser there.
Okay, now my head is going into the window, the dresser can be used as a nightstand, and the desk has its own wall. I don't know, it looks a bit cramped, yes?

Hmm, even more cramped. And awkward. Not to mention, if I want a TV in there (still debating) I'll have to use another piece of furniture to put it on. No TV in bed, insomniac rule #1. And this...well the only option is to put it right on the dresser and stare at it. Not good.

Now this one...my head is RIGHT on the other side of my room mate's door. I have no idea how active she is but I doubt I'll stand for that very long. And my desk is back by the window. And I kind of have an idea using the walls on both sides of a corner for my desk. Because the room is small, I am going to have to employ a lot of wall storage.

Now here are three options with the dresser taken down and put under my very tall (and will be taller with my 6 inch bed lofts) bed. I have a telephone stand that functioned as a printer stand senior year that can be used as a TV stand...televisions are so ugly. Anyway, its drawer and cabinet will afford me extra storage and it has a very small footprint...maybe four square feet.


I also have a papasan chair that I have carried with me to each of these rooms I've had by myself. I intend to take it with me for reading and TV viewing so I don't tell myself I can do either of those things in my bed or at my desk (except for the reading part...I guess I can do that at my desk). I'm hoping with one of these plans that it will fit in. My room mate says it should fit fine. If not they'll put it in the living room. It already has a few jury-rigged mends in the frame from my drowsy clumsiness, so I guess I can take any more damage it incurs in the living room.

I think I like the middle layout without the dresser. With the desk on a different wall I can divide the space up and I'll definitely have the wallspace I hope for. Plus, my bed will be on an outside wall so I don't have to worry about unwanted noises from room mate. Well I will...but only a little.

Next post: my desk plan. Laptop solutions, organization plan, and pretty pretty pictures.

In the Pasture, Julien Dupre

I love this painting. The movement, the way the cow's ears make it obvious it's interested in something WAY on the other side of the field, the hapless milkmaid, the wooden shoes, everything.
About a year before I started this blog, I was thinking about going to seminary to get my master's in counseling so I could counsel at a church. Asbury Seminary seemed a very good choice and they invited me to a preview weekend. Mom and I packed up, I took my first (terrifying) propeller plane ride, and we made our way to scenic Wilmore, Kentucky.

Readers, if you are feeling a bit down on America, if you feel like perhaps you need to hie yourself to another country whose aims at progress are not constantly encroaching on rural beauty, take a trip to Wilmore. It was early April and it was freezing, but the grass was so green and there were stone fences everywhere. The hills rolled on and on, and I fell in love with Kentucky.
Sadly, an hour or two on campus convinced me that I was not Asbury material...or it wasn't Kate material...we just didn't mesh and I don't know why.

We spent a lot of time driving around. We went to Berea, the state's folk art capitol (love love love love love) and on our last day we drove around Lexington. We stopped at Transylvania University and took the obvious Dracula pictures. Then we found the Kentucky State University art museum and I saw this painting. Well, actually, I think I saw it on the promotional street lamp flags outside. Anyway, I spent the whole weekend looking for a souvenir worthy of such a beautiful trip, and a poster of this painting, carefully packed in a tube and carried on just in case, which I proudly displayed on my dorm room wall all year long.

It's coming with me to grad school, of course, and though I have a tiny tiny room, I'm determined to find wall space for it!

I love my class...

This morning I had five children in my three-year-old Sunday School class. While I was waiting for everything to get settled, the four boys developed a game. They had about five baseball-shaped soft rubber balls in a coffee can and dumped them into the net of the little basketball goal. Then they all scattered to get as many balls as they could and put them in the coffee can. This game was impressive in and of itself. The great thing, though, was that when they were picking up the balls, if one of them didn't have a ball to put in, someone else would give him one. And then they all took turns dumping the balls into the net. They all put this together by themselves without any adult input whatsoever. I heard not a single fight break out and no feelings were hurt. It touched my heart and I was SO proud of them! After all the balls were back in the coffee can, whoever held it would point to each player in turn and say "You won!!!"
This is why I'll be so sad to leave them.

I love some things...

Twig and Thistle
Folding Trees
Mint
Nest Decorating Designs
Indie Fixx
Some Girls Wander
Creature Comforts
Great Full Day
Can we tell that I've been thinking about decor in my new apartment these days? And...clothes. I always think about clothes. It's a consequence of being petite: finding well-made things that fit kind of turns into an obsession. These sites offer me the head-tilting, drool-enducing, gutteral-sound-producing photography/creative eye-candy that I seem to crave more and more these days. Like a drug, I keep adding to the list.
By the way, have I mentioned that Sur La Lune Fairytales has a new blog???

grr

If you want a stable job with definite hours where you can be sure that your boss will not suddenly give you three weeks off in a month, don't be a nanny.
Anyone local need some babysitting/odd jobs done between July 7 and July 21? (I realize this is two weeks. She also randomly offered this week off as well.)

In any other job, this wouldn't be a problem.

At the church, it is VBS week, and I am teaching the three year olds along with a coworker and two youth volunteers. This is my class from this year, so most of the parents know me. The problem is, being in such a large church with so many members, I cannot guarantee that even all the other teachers will know me.
At our church, only adults who are safe-sanctuary trained can lift children, recieve children at drop-off, and allow children to be picked up. They also are the only ones who can change diapers or enter the bathroom to help a potty-training child.
So, with this background knowledge, here is my week:
Monday:
I arrived early to prepare my classroom as I was away all the previous week for weddings. I managed to grab a shirt that fit (a youth medium...how embarrassing!) and recieved children for drop off before my coworker arrived. Most of these parents knew me and greeted me with smiles as they realized I would be the teacher. They like me, you see. Well then a grandmother came to drop off her grandson and asked the teacher from next door (who for some reason was in our room at the moment), "Are you the teacher for this room?"
I stepped a little bit closer to the door I was leaning on and said "Actually, I am!"
Her face blanched just a bit. Then I, knowing her qualms and having seen these reservations before, launched into my spiel: "I'm 22, I'm a college graduate, and I've been working with this class all year."
The grandfather of one of my girls happened to walk up to drop her off just then and said "She's really experienced, too! We've had her all year and we really like her!"
Immediately she was relieved. She gained further confidence when she mentioned her grandson's asthma and I said "Oh! I have asthma, too! Since I was six. Does he have an inhalor?"
BOOM! I have credibility! She even told my boss who happened to be there at the time "she has asthma, too, so I think it'll be okay."
Tuesday:
I arrived early again and started my favorite preparation, taping butcher paper to the tables (I fold them like presents), when a woman I've seen around came in saying "you know what they're saying about you, right?"
I stood up "what are they saying?"
She in a hushed tone she said "They're walking up and down the halls saying 'there's a GIRL teaching!' and I tell them 'She's not a GIRL! She's a LADY! She has a college degree!'" I thanked her for sticking up for me. She had the same problem when she started teaching. I lamented again that I wished staff had different colored shirts than youth helpers...something immediately recognizable.
That night I shared the story with my brother and dad, and they suggested I put my diploma up. I think I might just make a smaller copy into a necklace or something.
Wednesday:
It was music time and SOMEONE had a dirty diaper, but we weren't sure who. So I went around smelling and checking each child. The music instructor laughed and mentioned to my coworker that I was intent on finding out who it was. Somehow she let drop that she thought I was a youth helper, and my coworker corrected her, informing her that I was going to grad school in the fall.
Then at art, the teacher's assistant (also an adult) was acting a bit pushy with me and seemed a bit taken aback that I was the one telling the children what to do (as far as "okay, Daniel, I need you to come over here!" and telling my coworker that I already had told Elizabeth that next time she disobeys she goes to time out, so she need not be afraid to put her in there.). I'm fairly certain she thought I was fourteen or so.

In almost any other job, I think I could handle being mistaken for a teenager. Heck, when I was a photographer it worked in my favor because teenagers would flirt with me and I could get them to take more pictures that way and because to adults I was the witty little teen who was quick with a comeback and a bit smarter than they thought a fourteen year old should be. Little did they know I was studying statistics on my breaks. But here, it is almost a hazard to be considered as young as I look. In getting mistaken for a youth helper I am not given the authority that I actually hold. Activity leaders talk to my coworker (who is usually taking cues from me) instead of me and look confused when I make the decisions. People seem alarmed when I pick up children, and parents don't trust me. This is especially frustrating since I have several years as a nanny, babysitter, two child development classes, a play therapy course, cpr certification, and a bachelor's degree under my belt. I'm also going to be studying child development intensively in the next two years and if I were to come back I would have more education in that field than any of the ladies I work with. I think I would be the only one with a master's degree, as well. But of course, my petite frame and my baby face do nothing to show my experience, intelligence, and capability.
I don't even know what I'd do to appear older. Even when I wear makeup I still just look like a dressed-up teenager.

Best day.

Okay, for those of you who don't know, I'm staying with relatives in Austin for the week because of back-to-back weddings in Central Texas. I had one in New Braunfels on Saturday (congrats, Mia!) and another one this coming Saturday in Austin (Yay, MS!).
Living in a different house (and sleeping in the office...totally my choice since a cousin is gone, leaving his very large bedroom free) and away from what I know is difficult and I was feeling a little down, until today.
Today was the best day.
I started out meeting a friend at Kerbey Lane Cafe right by campus. There I enjoyed a delicious veggie burger (I like meat...but I was feeling the veggie burger today!) and we discussed boyfriends, weddings, shoes, life in general. It was good. Then we walked down to Urban Outfitters and looked at almost everything in the store (well, the lower level at least!). Then my friend had to go to work, and I decided to spend more time downtown. So, I went to the wonderful Whole Foods Market and got a chocolate gelato. I got their tiniest size and could not finish it! Then I walked across the street to Anthropologie and looked around the entire store. I get so happy looking at beautiful things. It's funny, too, because I often leave happy because I am proud of myself for not buying anything. There were some cute tea cups for 3.75 on sale, but did I give in to temptation? NO! I kept my resolve, because really I don't need a tea cup, even if it has my favorite number on it.
Then I walked to REI and looked around. I found a perfect skirt for $35 which once again I did not buy, and left the store happy.
Then I went to Book People. Book People is just so wonderful for all the people watching you can do while pretending to read. I passed by one family where a woman stopped a little girl (probably about age eight) to read her a Dorothy Parker poem, which the girl found hilarious. I wanted to be a member of that family. I perused the anthologies looking for more folktale collections (found none...they said it might be in Mythology but I could only find the children's mythology section which was mostly greek. I'm so tired of people thinking Greek mythology is the only important folklore!), looked at books written by Emile Zola (I love his short story "Complements" but his books look a little dark for my current mood), thought about some Wodehouse books, found an annotated version (with scans of manuscripts and photos of older printings) of my very favoritest book, "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens, and decided that I need to devote myself to reading some classic literature. I realized that I have not had a study-free summer since I was eighteen years old, and so two summers from now, I buckle down! I have a feeling things will be a little crazy this summer...though I may try to finish Mrs. Dalloway.
On my way out I chanced upon the clearance table, and found and fell in love with two books instantly: "Tigger on the Couch," a psychoanalytic case study of various storybook characters (funny because my Abnormal Psychology professor used the inhabitants of the Hundred Acre Wood to illustrate personality disorders to us) and "Street Gang," which was the entire history of Sesame Street. I am currently in love with Sesame Street because they have been so instrumental in the development of children's educational programming. If my decision to be a Child Life Specialist doesn't pan out...I'm running away to work as a child development consultant at the Sesame Street Workshop. They work so hard to keep the program true to its original vision and to keep things developmentally appropriate. So cool. So, those go on my list of books to read, along with actually trying to get through Jane Austen (shameful, I know) and some other classics. I really want to read the Three Musketeers and other Dumas books, probably starting with The Count of Monte Christo at MS's urging. There are so many wonderful books to read...and I waste so much time on this stinking machine. I, admirably, did not spend money there and headed off.
Anyway, then I drove back to the house using a road that I very much love because it is wonderfully scenic. Then, I got to watch So You Think You Can Dance (which, surprisingly ;) I LOVE), and then I took my cousin and her best friend to Chipotle for burritos, which we ate on her screened in deck, christmas light bulbs plugged in.
Such a very very good day! Tomorrow I'm thinking of going to my new college town (as of August!) to hang out, do some drawings, and familiarize myself with the place. I may, however, stay around Austin and go to the Zilker gardens to do some Moleskine drawing!

Hmm...

Someone told me recently that she thought another certain person wouldn't know what to do with my free-spirited nature.
I've never really thought about this before. Would you say I'm free-spirited? What does that even MEAN?

Finally some news

Okay, so I went to the doctor yesterday and she feels my coughing is probably caused by a bronchiole infection. I'm on another antibiotic and a cough syrup that has completely eliminated my cough (as long as I keep taking it). As far as the stomach stuff, she thinks I probably have IBS, which everyone in my family has, so I'm not too surprised. I'm supposed to see a specialist and get a colonoscopy sometime soon. I'm not worried about the procedure, I'm just ready for all of this to be over. On the upside I'm back up to 92 lbs so maybe it was just a weird fluctuation. I'd still rather weigh a little bit more than that.

Health Update

The culture my doctor took showed no signs of infection so they took me off of the antibiotics. Tomorrow at 10 AM I have a sonogram to see what on earth may be messing with me. I have to get up early to drink 32 ounces of water so they can press mercilessly on my abdomen. :) It's really not all that bad. The hospital is close and I'm used to being further away than that by 9. Anyway, I likely won't know the results of it that day (unless it's something really bad!) but I will let you all know as soon as I hear anything.

I noticed today that there may be some swelling in my hip/waist area. I was trying to hold a baby on my hip at work and she kept sliding off. My waist is usually about 9 inches smaller than my hips, so I cannot remember the last time I had that problem. I had to hold her in front of me so she could sit on my hips that way. Very strange.

On another note, I'm looking for the perfect bedspread/quilt/comforter for my apartment. I don't expect I'll need to worry about the cold because I'm going further south and I have a blanket collection (a consequence of my first room mate who loved to blast the A/C on high all the time and the heat off with the windows open in spring). I'm thinking about a fair trade quilt made in India (I like the style). My sheets are a deep purple so I was thinking an orange one in big blocks would be good. Or maybe the Jaipuri method. Does anyone have a good resource for this? I've found one prospect...might as well try to buy it. I don't have any idea how reputable the site is as I haven't seen any reviews, so I'm hesitant to order it. I don't want crazy stuff happening with my credit card all the way over in India.

One Hiccup gone!

I have minimized on my desktop the LEASE for my new apartment, to move in four days before my first day of classes. I'll have three flat mates but a locking room and bathroom to myself and free cable and internet! I won't have to worry about furniture but space will be limited. For some odd reason, maybe because they realize they're renting to grown-ups, the beds in these little rooms are full-sized instead of twin-sized. I could save so much space...oh well. Not really.
So anyway, I'm excited and I no longer have to comb the craigslist ads for creepers...though I might just for fun.

GAAAAH!

THIS is what I'm up against as far as finding a place to stay. Craigslist, you are sooo shady.
Okay I'll copy it here so you can actually read it. Stuff has been marked out so I can protect what privacy I have (it says what school I'm going to).

hi,
i am a grad student (single male) that is looking for a single female as a roommate that is having financial issues and cannot afford housing. i understand not everyone is getting financial support from parents, etc, or financial aid isn't covering all of your living expenses. i am not going to be living there very often, maybe a few days a week and probably not on weekends. i figure a single cute female could basically have the place to herself when im not there. i only ask the following:
1. you don't host parties there
2. you don't invite random people there, especially guys
3. you don't do drugs (not even 420)
4. non smoker preferred, or if you do smoke you must smoke outside
5. you don't make a mess and pick up after yourself

so you're asking what the catch is? free rent in exchange for what? i am going to get a 1-bedroom / 1-bathroom apartment, so when im there i would hope to be able to cuddle with ya. no nakedness, no sexual favors, no quid pro quo. i just miss cuddling with a really cute co-ed and would like to every now and again. i figure since i wont be there very often you pretty much will have your own place and not have to pay rent. this offer would be for summer 1, summer 2, fall 2009, and spring 2010. at the end of this 12 months we can figure out if we want to continue or not. of course since you're not paying for anything you're absolutely able to leave this arrangement any time you want to. i am asking that if you're interested in this arrangment you email me some pics (face and full body (clothed is fine)). we can then meet up in public over coffee and see if we click. if we do then we can start looking for a good apartment that meets both of our needs. that also means you don't need to be on the rental application if you don't want to, that way you don't need a co-signer or what not. i promise you i am not ugly, weird, or sick. i am 5'8", 180 pounds, not fat, and hwp. so if you're single cute female hit me up with a cell # and pics. and oh by the way - only --- students need apply. i will ask to see your student ID to verify this.
campus at --- (-) (-)
Location: --- (--- Students only)
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


Okay, so this "NOT CREEPY" guy wants to trap you in a tiny apartment on the condition that he can paw you when he's home? So this poor girl, whoever she is, will be kept by this man, depend upon him because she cannot afford a place to stay, and share a bed with him whenever he comes back? I don't care what he says, you know eventually he's going to go in for some sex. And I bet he has that in mind right now "If I can get her to be okay with this, I'll totally get laid all year!" This guy is such a creeper I keep saying "euuught!" as if I'm trying to get a bad taste out of my mouth. Did you notice he asks for no guys to be brought over? Ladies, he will own you. You will not get to find someone and date them, because the guy that pays your rent doesn't want you dallying off with other guys. But hey, don't worry, he's HWP (height-weight proportional)!

I've seen more ads of this ilk in my area (probably because it's not just college students but gross, lonely old men) to be fair, but still...guuuh.

Hiccup! Hiccup!

Well, found another hiccup.
Early in January I experienced some lower abdominal pain. Thinking it was another cyst (as I'm prone to those) I went to the doctor to have it checked out. No cyst. I went on with life figuring that since they had looked at me I would be fine and I could contact someone if it got worse.
Cut to Friday. I'd realized the pain was a bit worse and I experienced some other uncomfortable symptoms. I went to the doctor again.
Now of course the first thing they do at the doctor is take your blood pressure and temperature, and then they weigh you. I jumped up on the scale and then I felt a little faint.
You see, I've always struggled to keep on weight. I really just hated to eat when I was little and though I eat whenever I'm hungry now, I guess sometimes it isn't enough. I remember my mom cheering because I was in the 5th percentile (on the chart! YESSSS!). Anytime I'm in a stressful situation or my time is limited or I'm ill, I drop a few pounds. In college I lost seven pounds the semester I was in pageant. Then I lost them all over again a year and a half later when I had a case of the flu on top of a sinus infection. I never gained them back and have stayed at a very small 92 for about a year.
That day when I stood on the scale, I read 89 lbs. I haven't weighed that in about ten years. Needless to say I had a little conniption. 89 pounds is a BMI of about 17.7 which means I'm officially underweight. Not good. (In research for this blog entry I have read that many doctors say that the BMI is too broad a measure, which I agree to.)
So then I talked to the doctor about all my symptoms and she said I'm...erm...passing a lot of protein. I probably have a UTI and I'm on an antibiotic that makes me dizzy and hot and nauseous.

I know it may seem silly to worry about a loss of three pounds but that's a big deal to me. I'm not always able to guarantee that I can gain it back and I need to be in good shape, especially since the little girl I watch is up to 43 pounds. I've researched a little bit about diet and weight gain and the meal plan I found looked like I would have to increase my food intake by about five times, which I don't think I can do. (BTW guys it's not about packing on the pounds. I have to eat healthy just like anyone else.) It also suggests that I do weight-bearing exercises. Other than rock climbing, I don't like most weight-bearing exercises.
My mother says that we should focus on getting well first and then we will work on the rest of it.

And let me just say this before anyone comments. I know that most people have the opposite problem and think "Oh man I wish I could say that" or something equally belittling. I know that many people struggle to lose weight. But the thing is that underweight people pose many of the same health risks as overweight people. In an absence of body fat, the body goes after muscles for fuel. Because of this, many underweight people are at a risk for heart problems (such as arrhythmia). There's a higher occurrence of brittle bones and osteoporosis. (I'm allergic to milk so I'm already calcium deficient.) One article I read said that underweight people are more prone to anxiety or depression. Less weight means less strength, less fuel, and a diminished ability for a body to keep itself warm. Also, telling an underweight person to "just gain weight" or "just eat more" is like telling an overweight person to just eat less or work out more. So please do not trivialize my problem in light of your own sufferings.
Rant over. I'm really more worried about my health.

Unforeseen Hiccup

So everything is set for grad school. I have my financial aid in, I registered for classes, I know what church I'd like to start with, I even know a few people that will be down there. I'm all ready, right?
Oh yeah...where will I LIVE?
Turns out that the answer to this question is a lot harder than I expected it to be. I'm having trouble finding somewhere that doesn't look like a front for a meth lab. Or maybe a place where I won't have to share a bathroom with five guys. Oh, and a place that doesn't advertise the fact that they're all about smoking marijuana would be nice.
If I could just be down there for awhile and figure it all out, that would be great, but I'm stuck running back and forth (it's four hours one way) because other than days I specifically take off, I work seven days a week.
And on top of that, I think I'm competing with thousands of people for a place to stay.
I'm so tired from looking at ads and reviews. I wish I had something more reputable than Craigslist.

Pardon?

I've been told by a few people that it's surprising that I like children or want to work part time when I have them or that I want them at all because I'm a "feminist." Living in a more conservative part of the country and knowing the stigma the word feminist has, I shouldn't have been surprised. In high school when I described myself as a feminist, a girl who drove me to dance lessons told me that I needed to read my Bible more because those women are a bunch of bra-burning abortionists who don't know their proper place, and that if men would just step up and be men we wouldn't have this whole problem.
Okay, so obviously I don't believe that. I'm not some crazy person who is out to murder every unborn child I can get my hands on. I'm not on the verge of ripping various undergarments from my body and setting them aflame (though at times when I cannot find something that fits I feel like doing it!). I don't hate men. I don't hate children.
To be honest I think that the best term to describe me is egalitarian. I believe that the assignation of a single chromasome has no bearing on ability, intelect, compassion, and has no ability to determine capability. I believe that a person's gender should not determine his or her salary. I also believe that the best person for the job should get it, rather than a company focusing on statistics and appearing female or male friendly.

It shocks me that people would think that for these ideals I would dislike children or not want to spend time with them. My mother raised me believing that there was not one thing I could not do because I was a girl. She encouraged me to do my best and to pursue anything that caught my interest. She did the same with my brother and continues to do so. My mom is also a nurse and often had to work rather than spend time with us. My mother is strong and assertive. At the same time, I have never met someone who works better with children. She was a pediatric nurse for probably close to twenty years and is the first person I ask when I have trouble with a charge. The kids I nannied for last year are absolutely drawn to her and when I was in high school and the children I babysat for drove me crazy, she could come over and fix everything. I'm still learning to relate to young children the way she does.

And this is the woman that taught me that men and women are equally capable.

See guys, not all feminists/egalitarians hate children or are bad mothers/wives. In fact, I would venture to say that the vast majority are more like my mom.